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Average rating: 3/5

Based on 93 ratings

A Complicated Kindness

by Miriam Toews

April 20, 2004 | Hardcover

Sixteen-year-old Nomi Nickel longs to hang out with Lou Reed and Marianne Faithfull in New York City's East Village. Instead she's trapped in East Village, Manitoba, a small town whose population is Mennonite: "the most embarrassing sub-sect of people to belong to if you're a teenager." East Village is a town with no train and no bar whose job prospects consist of slaughtering chickens at the Happy Family Farms abattoir or churning butter for tourists at the pioneer village. Ministered with an iron fist by Nomi's uncle Hans, a.k.a. The Mouth of Darkness, East Village is a town that's tall on rules and short on fun: no dancing, drinking, rock 'n' roll, recreational sex, swimming, make-up, jewellery, playing pool, going to cities or staying up past nine o'clock.

As the novel begins, Nomi struggles to cope with the back-to-back departures three years earlier of Tash, her beautiful and mouthy sister, and Trudie, her warm and spirited mother. She lives with her father, Ray, a sweet yet hapless schoolteacher whose love is unconditional but whose parenting skills amount to benign neglect. Father and daughter deal with their losses in very different ways. Ray, a committed elder of the church, seeks to create an artificial sense of order by reorganizing the city dump late at night. Nomi, on the other hand, favours chaos as she tries to blunt her pain through "drugs and imagination." Together they live in a limbo of unanswered questions.

Nomi's first person narrative shifts effortlessly between the present and the past. Within the present, Nomi goes through the motions of finishing high school while flagrantly rebelling against Mennonite tradition. She hangs out on Suicide Hill, hooks up with a boy named Travis, goes on the Pill, wanders around town, skips class and cranks Led Zeppelin. But the past is never far from her mind as she remembers happy times with her mother and sister - as well as the painful events that led them to flee town. Throughout, in a voice both defiant and vulnerable, she offers hilarious and heartbreaking reflections on life, death, family, faith and love.

Eventually Nomi's grief - and a growing sense of hypocrisy - cause her to spiral ever downward to a climax that seems at once startling and inevitable. But even when one more loss is heaped on her piles of losses, Nomi maintains hope and finds the imagination and willingness to envision what lies beyond.

Few novels in recent years have generated as much excitement as A Complicated Kindness. Winner of the Governor General's Award and a Giller Prize Finalist, Miriam Toews's third novel has earned both critical acclaim and a long and steady position on our national bestseller lists. In the Globe and Mail, author Bill Richardson writes the following: "There is so much that's accomplished and fine. The momentum of the narrative, the quality of the storytelling, the startling images, the brilliant rendering of a time and place, the observant, cataloguing eye of the writer, her great grace. But if I had to name Miriam Toews's crowning achievement, it would be the creation of Nomi Nickel, who deserves to take her place beside Daisy Goodwill Flett, Pi Patel and Hagar Shipley as a brilliantly realized character for whom the reader comes to care, okay, comes to love."


This town is so severe. And silent. It makes me crazy, the silence. I wonder if a person can die from it. The town office building has a giant filing cabinet full of death certificates that say choked to death on his own anger or suffocated from unexpressed feelings of unhappiness. Silentium. People here just can't wait to die, it seems. It's the main event. The only reason we're not all snuffed at birth is because that would reduce our suffering by a lifetime. My guidance counsellor has suggested to me that I change my attitude about this place and learn to love it. But I do, I told her. Oh, that's rich, she said. That's rich. . .

We're Mennonites. After Dukhobors who show up naked in court we are the most embarrassing sub-sect of people to belong to if you're a teenager. Five hundred years ago in Europe a man named Menno Simons set off to do his own peculiar religious thing and he and his followers were beaten up and killed or forced to conform all over Holland, Poland, and Russia until they, at least some of them, finally landed right here where I sit. Imagine the least well-adjusted kid in your school starting a breakaway clique of people whose manifesto includes a ban on the media, dancing, smoking , temperate climates, movies, drinking, rock'n'roll, having sex for fun, swimming, makeup, jewellery, playing pool, going to cities, or staying up past nine o'clock. That was Menno all over. Thanks a lot, Menno.
-from A Complicated Kindness
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  • Heather Reviews
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    Rating: 5/5

    Heartbreakingly Sad and Devastatingly Funny

    Heather Reisman

    • Chief Booklover

    4 years ago

    Your heart instantly goes out to 16-year old Nomi Nickel in A Complicated Kindness. She is heartbreakingly sad but also devastatingly funny. In her quest to get out of her stifling Mennonite town you truly want to reach out and help her at every turn.

  • Community Reviews
    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    Actually, I enjoyed the whole book! The humour is sharp, the sadness profound and the disintegration of a family is heart wrenching. It's a complicated life in a deceivingly simple town for Nomi Nickle, a girl struggling with the loss of her sister and mother to a faith and fate that she fears. Everyone (except perhaps Nomi's father, Ray and Nomi's sick friend Lids) is quick to pass judgement.

    That Nomi survives this oppression at all is a triumph worth celebrating! She stumbles along the way and develops a wry and sarcastic sense of humour (I think) as a self-preservation mechanism. That her only remaining family member is her emotionally absent father who likes to clean the dump and get rid of their furniture is surely cause for concern! What teenager wouldn't feel compelled to drink, smoke and let loose with a wise-crack or two?

    The comedic narrative of this novel is in complete contrast to the devastation of the family nucleus. It echoes like a plea and gives this novel a unique and haunting voice. I didn't like the ending but that was a plus in the case of, "A Complicated Kindness". Life, like this story, isn't always a fairytale. Things don't always work out the way we would like them to in the end.

    This reviewer also recommends:
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    Interesting but depressing story. Read it in small doses so that the sad, emptiness of the story would not have the same affect on me.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    I was so surprised to see the low ratings people had given this book. I laughed out loud, cried out loud, read sections to innocent bystanders out loud. I'm not sure of the last time I was so totally absorbed by a book. Miriam Toews will be remembered as one of Canada's best - I highly recommend this book!

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    Rating: 1/5

    Just couldn't get into it

    Sybel Chor

    4 years ago

    I have heard that this was not a great book, and I'd have to agree (I gave it a chance, but only made it halfway). Nomi Nickel is definitely not the modern day Holden Caulfield.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    I absolutely loved this book. It was very easy to read and I finished it quickly, but it has stayed with me for days after. The multiple layers unfold very slowly. Although the writing style is breezy and often seems only to be reflecting the surface, the truer, deeper meanings are also carefully revealed. I believe that the author has really captured what it is to be a teenager - one who understands much more than she is given credit for, and whose false front of cynicism covers a truly optimistic spirit.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?
    Anonymous

    Rating: 4/5

    A Humbling Read

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    Anonymous

    5 years ago

    I enjoyed this read as it was a small look into the life a little girl growing up in a Mennonite community from the girl's point of view. I saw myself many times throughout this book. I felt very real!

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?
    Anonymous

    Rating: 1/5

    Couldn't stand it

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    Anonymous

    5 years ago

    I did not think Nomi's belittling of others was in the least bit witty or entertaining. I wouldn't have bothered finishing it if it wasn't for my book club.

    Comments on this review:
    Aarin Welch

    I really struggled to finish this book...I kept reading in the hopes of something exiting to happen....nothing happened....I was very dissapointed, would not recommend it.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?
    Linden Wiebe

    Rating: 4/5

    Sparkling...

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    Linden Wiebe

    5 years ago

    As a person of Mennonite descent (though NOT proud of that), I found this book thoroughly engrossing, incredibly witty, and also provocative and often very funny. Miriam Toews writes with an insight and wisdom beyond her years. This is a sparkling little crystal of anxiety and hope, in equal measure. HIGHLY recommended!

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    Rating: 5/5

    Loved it!

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    Willa

    5 years ago

    Fantastic - went out and bought her other books.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?
    Anonymous

    Rating: 5/5

    Deserving of all it's awards

    Anonymous

    6 years ago

    Toews opens the eyes of Canadians in this story of a menonite community trying to survive in the modern world. At first I had trouble believing that any of these events could actually happen. However, after talking to friend who grew up in similar circumstances it was made clear to me that Toews didn't go over the top at all. I found the story to be very interesting and felt that I learned a little about Canadian history in the process.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    I just could not get into this book. It was slow moving and just plain boring. The overall concept of the book has a lot of potential but I do not recommend this book.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    Rating: 4/5

    Great book

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    Crystal Donovan

    6 years ago

    This book is witty, comical and morbid all the same time. The reader gets to see life through the eyes of someone who is not understood in their own culture or by society at large.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    I finished reading this book about a year ago and I still feel that this is one of the most amazing novels I have ever read. I find that it captures you in the narrative so well that it's hard to decipher reality from fiction. The characterization is so exceptional that even if the plot does not come to a dramatic finalization you're still completely satisfied because you have formed such a strong bond with the main character (she is extremely witty and intellegent) that you don't really want it to end. I'm seriously contemplating picking it up and reading it from beginning to end again.

    • Was this review
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    adam reimer

    Rating: 5/5

    amazingly accurate

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    adam reimer

    6 years ago

    For those interested, the places Miriam Toews writes about is an actual place. The town is called steinbach, and its located in Manitoba Canada. Growing up in that area, i was surprised at how accurate her book really was considering the timeline.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?
    Anonymous

    Rating: 5/5

    A must read!

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    Anonymous

    6 years ago

    Clever and witty from the get-go. One cannot help but chuckle at the obscure humour, while at the same time feel sympathy for the anguished Nomi. It is both a funny and devastatingly heartbreaking story that leaves the reader entranced until the bittersweet ending.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    Simply written and yet hard to put down. A Complicated Kindness pulls at your heart strings and draws the reader in.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?
    Anonymous

    Rating: 1/5

    A Let Down

    Anonymous

    6 years ago

    I generally love the "Heather's Picks" selections. I had high expectations for this book and was left dissapointed. I finished the story feeling like I had missed some important section, idea or message. I was left feeling like there was no resolution to the story and the charachters just hung in the air. I find it hard to believe this was a prize winner.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?
    Anonymous

    Rating: 1/5

    Very disappointing

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    Anonymous

    6 years ago

    This book started slow and never really took off. The story of Nomi's life could have been very interesting, but it was told in a very uninteresting way. It was one of those books that you can put down and never go back to.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?
    Anonymous

    Rating: 5/5

    A Silent Masterpiece

    This review is from: A Complicated Kindness (Trade Paperback)

    Anonymous

    6 years ago

    Miriam Toews can tell a story like no other! This great piece consist of quiet and descending humour of real life according to Nomi Nickle, a teenager growing up in Menno environment. I felt Nomi struggle to avoid her life direction to resemble that of chickens at happy farm. Nomi's journey left me in tears and laughters at the same time, because life is just heartbreakingly funny. I am now more concious of my surrounding after taking the road with Nomi. From the nicely design cover, to the refreshingly set up text, this book will not disapoint you one bit! If you're a fan of Holden Cauffield, you'll love Nomi Nickel. Brilliant. Absolutely Brilliant!

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    I loved this book. Original, fresh, funny. I can see why it won the CBC Canada Reads contest for best novel of 2005.

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