Cool, Calm & Contentious: Essays

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Cool, Calm & Contentious: Essays

by Merrill Markoe

Random House Publishing Group | November 1, 2011 | Hardcover |

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In this hilarious collection of personal essays, New York Times bestselling author Merrill Markoe reveals, among other things, the secret formula for comedy: Start out with a difficult mother, develop some classic teenage insecurities, add a few relationships with narcissistic men, toss in an unruly pack of selfish dogs, finish it off with the kind of crystalline perspective that only comes from years of navigating a roiling sea of unpleasant and unappeasable people, and-voilà!-you're funny!

But in Cool, Calm & Contentious, Markoe also reveals something more: herself. This is by far her most personal, affecting collection yet-honest, unapologetic, often painful, but always shot through with the bracing, wicked sense of humor that has made her such a beloved and incisive observer of life, both human and canine. In Cool, Calm & Contentious, she goes there: from the anal-retentive father who once spent ten minutes lecturing Markoe's forty-year-old, Ph.D.-wielding brother on how to fold a napkin, to the eternally aggrieved mother who took pleasure in being unpleasant to waiters and spent most of her life, Markoe says, in "varying degrees of pissed off"; from the way she surrendered her virginity as a freshman in college (to her, it was "something to be gotten rid of quickly, then never discussed again, like body odor"), to why, later in life, she ultimately came to find dogs so much more appealing than humans, Markoe holds nothing back. It's all here, in all its messy, poignant glory, and told the way only Merril Markoe knows how-with honesty, wit, and bite.

Cool, Calm & Contentious
offers something for everyone-fans of humorous essays, fans of memoir, fans of great writing and finely drawn characters, fans of dogs, fans of talking dogs, and fans of reading about mothers who are so difficult and demanding they actually make you feel good about your own life. But most of all, this book is for the many fans of Merrill Markoe, who will finally get a chance to learn what makes her tick-and what makes her so funny and wise.

Format: Hardcover

Dimensions: 288 Pages, 5.51 × 8.27 × 0.79 in

Published: November 1, 2011

Publisher: Random House Publishing Group

Language: English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10: 0345518918

ISBN - 13: 9780345518910

Found in: Entertainment

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– More About This Product –

Cool, Calm & Contentious: Essays

Cool, Calm & Contentious: Essays

by Merrill Markoe

Format: Hardcover

Dimensions: 288 Pages, 5.51 × 8.27 × 0.79 in

Published: November 1, 2011

Publisher: Random House Publishing Group

Language: English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10: 0345518918

ISBN - 13: 9780345518910

About the Book

Markoe reveals, among other things, the secret formula for comedy. This is by far her most personal, affecting collection yet--honest, unapologetic, often painful--but always shot through with the bracing, wicked sense of humor that has made her such a beloved and incisive observer of life, both human and canine. 288 pp.

Read from the Book

The Place, the Food, Everything Awful: The Diaries of Ronny Markoe For most of her life, my mother was varying degrees of pissed off. And not just at me. She was pissed off at everyone. But the conspicuous absence of colorful, controversial political and literary figures and/or captains of industry at our dinner table caused me to take the brunt of it. It was hard to trace her hostility to its origin because she wasn''t introspective. If you asked her why she was so mad, which I often did, she would say that she told you on several occasions to put your dishes in the dishwasher or to change that horrible shirt. That was as deep as it got. It probably didn''t help that my mother didn''t feel well a lot of the time, afflicted with a wide variety of symptoms, many of which I associated with her always simmering rage. The first time I remember her being hospitalized was when I was in the third grade. We had just moved from New Jersey to Florida. I was sitting on the floor, in the midst of a one-person jacks-playing marathon, when the phone rang. It was her sister-in-law, calling long-distance from New York. I watched all the color drain from my mother''s face as she began to comprehend that her brother had dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of thirty-three. Not emotionally up to the responsibility of informing my grandmother, who lived with us, that her only son was dead, my mother instead pretended that her brother had survived, then put my grandmother on a plane to New Y
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From the Publisher

In this hilarious collection of personal essays, New York Times bestselling author Merrill Markoe reveals, among other things, the secret formula for comedy: Start out with a difficult mother, develop some classic teenage insecurities, add a few relationships with narcissistic men, toss in an unruly pack of selfish dogs, finish it off with the kind of crystalline perspective that only comes from years of navigating a roiling sea of unpleasant and unappeasable people, and-voilà!-you're funny!

But in Cool, Calm & Contentious, Markoe also reveals something more: herself. This is by far her most personal, affecting collection yet-honest, unapologetic, often painful, but always shot through with the bracing, wicked sense of humor that has made her such a beloved and incisive observer of life, both human and canine. In Cool, Calm & Contentious, she goes there: from the anal-retentive father who once spent ten minutes lecturing Markoe's forty-year-old, Ph.D.-wielding brother on how to fold a napkin, to the eternally aggrieved mother who took pleasure in being unpleasant to waiters and spent most of her life, Markoe says, in "varying degrees of pissed off"; from the way she surrendered her virginity as a freshman in college (to her, it was "something to be gotten rid of quickly, then never discussed again, like body odor"), to why, later in life, she ultimately came to find dogs so much more appealing than humans, Markoe holds nothing back. It's all here, in all its messy, poignant glory, and told the way only Merril Markoe knows how-with honesty, wit, and bite.

Cool, Calm & Contentious
offers something for everyone-fans of humorous essays, fans of memoir, fans of great writing and finely drawn characters, fans of dogs, fans of talking dogs, and fans of reading about mothers who are so difficult and demanding they actually make you feel good about your own life. But most of all, this book is for the many fans of Merrill Markoe, who will finally get a chance to learn what makes her tick-and what makes her so funny and wise.

About the Author

Emmy Award-winning writer Merrill Markoe lives in Los Angeles, California, the garden spot of America, with four dogs and a man. She has authored three books of humorous essays and the novels Nose Down, Eyes Up; Walking in Circles Before Lying Down; and It's My F---ing Birthday and co-authored (with Andy Prieboy) the novel The Psycho Ex Game. A lot of additional information about her-including a long bio, goofy videos, etc.-can be found at merrillmarkoe.com. After great amounts of hesitation, she is also on Facebook. But since she thinks about pulling the page down on a daily basis, check fast.

Editorial Reviews

Advance praise for Cool, Calm & Contentious
 
"Now that I've read Merrill Markoe's latest book, I've learned a lot-about virginity, fetishism, sociopaths and narcissists, and how she explained the BP oil spill to her dogs. Also that Merrill is funnier, smarter, and more honest than anyone any of us knows. Just accept it-I have."-Winnie Holzman, creator of My So-called Life, co-author of Wicked

"Alarming and reassuring . . . Wait, that's impossible."-George Meyer, writer, The Simpsons

PRAISE FOR MERRILL MARKOE
 
Nose Down, Eyes Up
 
"Read this novel for its nose-to-the-ground wisdom, for its unsentimental take on family, and for the funniest, furriest pack of jokesters this side of the Marx Brothers."-O: The Oprah Magazine
 
"Whimsical . . . an ideal place to bury your nose."-Los Angeles Times
 
"Hilarious."-Publishers Weekly
 
Walking in Circles Before Lying Down
 
"Bound to make you laugh out loud."-People (four stars)
 
"Fun and charming . . . So spin around three or four times, curl up with your four-legged friend and enjoy."-Fort Worth Star-Telegram
 
"A delight."-Boston Sunday Globe
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