1. Since it''s initial publication, the phrase "emotional
intelligence," or the shorthand, "EQ," has become widespread,
showing up in settings as unlikely as the cartoon strip "Dilbert,"
on boxes of toys that claim to boost a child''s EQ, and in personal
ads seeking prospective mates. Where was the first place you heard
of emotional intelligence, or EQ? What are some examples of
appropriate and inappropriate uses of the term you''ve heard?
2. In 1995, there were only a handful of programs teaching
emotional intelligence skills to children. Now, a decade later,
there are tens of thousands of schools worldwide that have embraced
the concept in the form of programs in "social and emotional
learning," or SEL. Have you come across such programs in your
personal or professional life? Do you believe it''s possible-or
appropriate-for schools to teach emotional skills to students? If
parents don''t teach these skills, and schools shouldn''t, who
should?
3. The author states that, in business, IQ scores predict
extremely well whether a person can handle the cognitive challenges
a given position demands. But IQ washes out when it comes to
predicting who, among a talented pool of candidates within
an intellectually demanding profession, will becomes the strongest
leader. As the head of research at a global executive search firm
put it, "CEOs are hired for their intellect and business
expertise-and fired for a lack of emotional intelligence." How do
you apply emotional intelligence skills in the workplace? Has your
EQ ever played a part in your career? Has your EQ ever been
evaluated in the hiring process?
4. How does the concept of emotional intelligence resonate with
outlooks in religious beliefs around the world? Does it reverberate
with your own faith?
5. The book portrays a society suffering from a breakdown of
emotional intelligence. It cites the following statistics: Violent
crimes by young people are up by a factor of four over the past
twenty years. Suicides have tripled among young people in the same
period, and forcible rape has doubled. Though he acknowledges that
factors such as poverty play a role in the creation of violent
criminals, Dr. Goleman says, "Every time we read about another
senseless murder, it''s a sign of emotional intelligence gone
awry." What current or recent events in the news strike you as
possible examples of emotional illiteracy? Do you believe there''s
hope for improving our collective social life by teaching emotional
skills to individuals?
6. Are women more emotionally intelligent than men? Dr. Goleman
doesn''t believe so. He finds that each gender has its emotional
strengths and weaknesses. Women are trained to be more
empathetic-thus, they are often better than men are at picking up
"the subtle, unspoken emotional dimension" of communication. On the
other hand, women are treated for depression at twice the rate men
are. Men are often better at managing their moods-a key component
of emotional intelligence. What other patterns of strengths and
weaknesses might be attributed to the sexes, respectively? Do you
believe boys should be trained to be more aware of others'' moods?
Do you think girls could be given skills that would help them be
more optimistic? Do you believe there are innate differences in the
emotional capacities of the genders?
7. Contrary to popular wisdom, Emotional
Intelligence argues that venting anger-by yelling, for
instance-can cause more harm than good. The author believes
catharsis has an undeserved popularity as a method of handling
anger. He cites studies that show that the net effect of lashing
out is to prolong rage rather than to end it. Do you think it's
desirable-or possible-to avoid emotional displays of anger? In what
other ways can extreme frustration be expressed? Have you ever
regretted an unplanned outburst of rage? Ever seen a tantrum
produce a desired result?
8. According to the author, emotions are impulses that compel us
toward-or away from-various courses of action. "Formal logic alone
can never work as the basis for deciding who to marry or trust or
even what job to take; these are the realms where reason without
feeling is blind." He believes that gut reactions and intuitions
are more than mere momentary whims, that they are sophisticated
calculations based on a quick-but-careful review of past
experience. Are your important life decisions based more on
rationality, or on an emotion-based "gut instinct?" Can you recall
any occasion when an instantaneous decision reached by your
emotional circuitry steered you right . . . or wrong?
9. A previous bestselling book, The Bell Curve, asserts
that one''s intellectual capacities are fixed: The Bell
Curve''s authors claim there''s no way to transcend the IQ you
were born with. Emotional Intelligence defines
intelligence more broadly, positing that there is an emotional
brain that greatly influences the workings of the rational brain,
that both contribute to one''s level of intelligence, and that
emotional skills can be improved on. Which view of intelligence do
you find more valid, and why?
10. Tests of aspects of emotional intelligence, such as "The
Marshmallow Test," have proven to be strong predictors of future
success. Some four-year-olds who took "The Marshmallow Test" were
able to restrain their desire for a treat in favor of a greater
reward later. This triumph over the urge for immediate
gratification turned out to have a far-reaching impact later in
life. As high-school seniors, those who had "passed" the test "were
more academically competent: better able to put their ideas into
words, to use and respond to reason, to concentrate, to make plans
and follow through on them, and more eager to learn. Most
astonishingly, they had dramatically higher scores on their SAT
tests." Given such evidence that emotional skills affect one''s
capacity for success, do you believe children should be given
standardized tests that measure not just IQ, but also emotional
intelligence?
11. The book offers compelling evidence that parents'' degree of
emotional skill goes far toward determining their children''s level
of emotional intelligence. Can you recall ways in which your
parents enhanced or deterred the development of any of the five
components of emotional intelligence (self-awareness; emotional
control; self-motivation; empathy; handling relationships) in you
or your siblings?
12. Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence;
sensitivity to others'' feelings is a prerequisite to developing
strong relationships. Researchers believe that 90% of emotional
communication is non-verbal. What are some examples of unspoken
cues people use to express their feelings?
13. Dr. Goleman says modern medical care often lacks emotional
intelligence. "Medicine''s inattention to the impact of emotions on
illness neglects a growing body of evidence which indicates that
emotional states can play a significant role in vulnerability to
disease and in the course of their recovery." He claims that "there
are many ways medicine can incorporate new knowledge about the
impact of emotions on health into its view of patient care." Have
you, or has someone you know, experienced emotional insensitivity
at the hands of medical professionals? How far should the
health-care delivery system go in concerning itself with patients''
emotion?