Dear Reader,
Before you throw this awful book to the ground and run as far
away from it as possible, you should probably know why. This book
is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire
children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one
of the most dreadful books in the world.
There are many pleasant things to read about, but this books
contains none of them. Within its pages are such burdensome details
as misleading newspaper headlines, unnecessary surgery, an intercom
system, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling
news about such things.
I have sworn to research this story, and to write it down as
best I can, so I should know that this book is something best left
on the ground, where you undoubtedly found it.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket