The Last Testament: A Memoir

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The Last Testament: A Memoir

by God
with David Javerbaum

Simon & Schuster | November 1, 2011 | Hardcover

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Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era.

Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.

As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith's. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.

But The Last Testament doesn't just look back. It also offers God's perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as:

• Why he loves America

• What he listens for in a good prayer

• Which sports teams he really roots for

• Which celebrities are totally gay

Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It's the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers," but to anyone who's ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.

Format: Hardcover

Dimensions: 400 pages, 9.12 × 6.12 × 1.1 in

Published: November 1, 2011

Publisher: Simon & Schuster

Language: English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10: 1451640188

ISBN - 13: 9781451640182

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– More About This Product –

The Last Testament: A Memoir

by God
with David Javerbaum

Format: Hardcover

Dimensions: 400 pages, 9.12 × 6.12 × 1.1 in

Published: November 1, 2011

Publisher: Simon & Schuster

Language: English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10: 1451640188

ISBN - 13: 9781451640182

About the Book

In this ultimate celebrity autobiography, bestselling author God will "telleth-all" for the first time, going behind-the-chapters of the Old Testament, offering frank and hilarious insights about fatherhood and bringing the gospels into modernity with a New New Testament. 304 pp. (Humor)

Read from the Book

PROLOGUE 1 I n the beginning, I took a lunch with Daniel Greenberg of the Levine Greenberg Literary Agency. 2 For the future of print was without hope, and void; and darkness had fallen upon the face of the entire publishing industry. 3 So one day Daniel, my agent, whom I have been with forever; by which I do not mean literally “forever,” as I started out unrepresented, but a good 25 years or so; 4 Anyway, Daniel got us a table at Balthazar; for he knows someone there. 5 So we met, and exchanged pleasantries, and sat down, and caught up; and in time I coyly came around to asking him why he wanted to see me, although I knew, and he knew that I knew, and I knew that he knew that I knew; but lo, this is how the game is played. 6 And then, over a frisée aux lardons that they were not serving in heaven then, but they are now , he spoke unto me: 7 “O LORD our God, King of the Universe, here’s what I’m thinking. 8 Thy previous books have sold an impressive six billion copies; 9 They form the basis of three great religions, and five crappy ones; 10 They have been translated into 2,453 languages, including that of a fictional race of TV aliens wearing shoe polish; 11 They can be found in every synagogue, church, mosque, and Comfort Inn in the world; 12 And most importantly, they have done for faith, and ethics, and morality, what The Bartender’s Bible hath done for bartending. 13 But lo, it has been nigh on 14 centuries since thy last book̵
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From the Publisher

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era.

Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.

As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith's. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.

But The Last Testament doesn't just look back. It also offers God's perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as:

• Why he loves America

• What he listens for in a good prayer

• Which sports teams he really roots for

• Which celebrities are totally gay

Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It's the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers," but to anyone who's ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.

Editorial Reviews

"[David Javerbaum] takes ghost writing to new heights. . . . The entire book is written to provoke laughter. That isn't a bad thing in a world where we take ourselves far too seriously, most of the time."-Ottawa Citizen
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