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Things I've Been Silent About: Memories

Average rating: 4/5

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Things I've Been Silent About: Memories

by AZAR NAFISI

Random House Publishing Group | December 30, 2008 | Hardcover

I started making a list in my diary entitled "Things I Have Been Silent About." Under it I wrote: "Falling in Love in Tehran. Going to Parties in Tehran. Watching the Marx Brothers in Tehran. Reading Lolita in Tehran." I wrote about repressive laws and executions, about public and political abominations. Eventually I drifted into writing about private betrayals, implicating myself and those close to me in ways I had never imagined.
--From Things I Have Been Silent About


Azar Nafisi, author of the beloved international bestseller Reading Lolita in Tehran, now gives us a stunning personal story of growing up in Iran, memories of her life lived in thrall to a powerful and complex mother, against the background of a country's political revolution. A girl's pain over family secrets; a young woman's discovery of the power of sensuality in literature; the price a family pays for freedom in a country beset by political upheaval-these and other threads are woven together in this beautiful memoir, as a gifted storyteller once again transforms the way we see the world and "reminds us of why we read in the first place" (Newsday).

Nafisi's intelligent and complicated mother, disappointed in her dreams of leading an important and romantic life, created mesmerizing fictions about herself, her family, and her past. But her daughter soon learned that these narratives of triumph hid as much as they revealed. Nafisi's father escaped into narratives of another kind, enchanting his children with the classic tales like the Shahnamah, the Persian Book of Kings. When her father started seeing other women, young Azar began to keep his secrets from her mother. Nafisi's complicity in these childhood dramas ultimately led her to resist remaining silent about other personal, as well as political, cultural, and social, injustices.

Reaching back in time to reflect on other generations in the Nafisi family, Things I've Been Silent About is also a powerful historical portrait of a family that spans many periods of change leading up to the Islamic Revolution of 1978-79, which turned Azar Nafisi's beloved Iran into a religious dictatorship. Writing of her mother's historic term in Parliament, even while her father, once mayor of Tehran, was in jail, Nafisi explores the remarkable "coffee hours" her mother presided over, where at first women came together to gossip, to tell fortunes, and to give silent acknowledgment of things never spoken about, and which then evolved into gatherings where men and women would meet to openly discuss the unfolding revolution.

Things I've Been Silent About is, finally, a deeply personal reflection on women's choices, and on how Azar Nafisi found the inspiration for a different kind of life. This unforgettable portrait of a woman, a family, and a troubled homeland is a stunning book that readers will embrace, a new triumph from an author who is a modern master of the memoir.





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Reviews

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    Rating: 5/5

    An Intimate and Poignant Story

    Heather Reisman

    • Chief Booklover

    3 years ago

    If you loved 'Reading Lolita in Tehran', you will so enjoy 'Things I've Been Silent About'. And if you are new to Azar Nafisi's writing, you have a treat in store. The book is an intimate and poignant exploration of Nafisi's relationships with her difficult, intrusive and complex mother and in many ways a love poem to her charming, literature-loving father.

    You may also enjoy these reviews from 'The Washington Post 'and 'The New York Times':

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/06/AR2009010603415.html

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/13/books/13book.html

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    Rating: 3/5

    Fairly Good Read

    Louise Jolly

    2 years ago

    An interesting memoir by Azar Nafisi about growing up in the country of Iran. Her mother was a complex and complicated person disappointed in her own dreams of leading a romantic and important life, often creating fictional stories she told to her children which she had come to believe herself. These fictionalized stories were not only about her past, but also of her children and her family.

    Nafisi's father was a different type of person, often mesmerizing his children with classic tales like the "Persian Book of Kings" and others. However, her father began to see other women and Nafisi kept this to herself but she didn't like keeping secrets from her mother.

    This novel not only tells the tale of a family but that of a powerful history during the Islamic Revolution of 1978-79, which turned the country into a religious dictatorship.

    This is a deeply personal account of one woman's choices, and how she found the inspiration to make a better life for herself.

    • Was this review
      helpful to you?

    Rating: 2/5

    Mommie vilest

    Miles Jenkins

    3 years ago

    I read Azar Nafisi's memoir hoping that it would immerse me in the everyday life of Iran, a country I have a great curiosity about. I thought it would be like taking a brief vacation, where I could see and hear and taste its unique life. Instead I found a rather generic family drama - the impetuous daughter contending with her domineering mother (almost every paragraph of its 318 pages contains an exasperated reference to this dragon-lady) - that could just as easily have been set in suburban Connecticut or Melbourne, Australia.

    The book is written in very flat, colourless prose. And the author's obliviousness to the actual world outside herself and her circle of family and friends is not limited to Iran. As a girl she attended school in England for a while, and also Switzerland, but there is hardly a word of description of these places either (except to note that it's rainy and chilly in England, which is like going to the Sahara Desert and reporting that there's a lot of sand).

    Ms. Nafisi's attitude to the politics of Iran is two-dimensional as well. She came from a rather privileged background, and grew up with a grand, romantic vision of Iran as a glorious, epic sort of place. But she seems unable to recognize that there are other constituencies in Iran - the poor, the religious, royalists, leftists, etc., who don't share the same historical vision of Iran. She just seems indignant that people different from herself, from her own class, have taken control of it at different times, including the present. She's not unlike the exiled Empress Farah, who also seems shocked that people different from her, with a less grandiose vision of Iran, had pushed her away from her rightful place at the top.

    To Ms. Nafisi's credit, as her memoir progresses into the 80's and 90's, some sober maturity creeps into her outlook. She seems to have been chastened by the Iranian Revolution; it woke her from her fantasies and fond hopes. And her telling of friends and acquaintances being executed by the government was a reminder to me that it's not just a dry theoretical debate, there is blood and death lurking around the corner in ordinary people's lives in Iran.

    But I was still disappointed to find almost nothing of interest in her writing. She strikes me as a dilettante - someone who dabbles in art or literature or music more for the fun and enjoyment of it, as an adornment to their ego, unlike true artists who struggle to produce serious, original work. She sees everything filtered through her ego: she is a feminist, so to her, novels record the struggle of women for independence and power. She believes in democracy, so she theorizes that novels inculcate democratic feeling. Incredibly, she invokes Vladimir Nabokov as an exemplar (as well as in her previous book, Reading Lolita in Tehran). Nabokov, who famously stipulated that "novels belong on the night table, or in the trash", had no time for the novel as political tract or sociological study. But in the hyper-politicized world of North American academia, Ms. Nafisi has found her true home.

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From the Publisher

I started making a list in my diary entitled "Things I Have Been Silent About." Under it I wrote: "Falling in Love in Tehran. Going to Parties in Tehran. Watching the Marx Brothers in Tehran. Reading Lolita in Tehran." I wrote about repressive laws and executions, about public and political abominations. Eventually I drifted into writing about private betrayals, implicating myself and those close to me in ways I had never imagined.
--From Things I Have Been Silent About


Azar Nafisi, author of the beloved international bestseller Reading Lolita in Tehran, now gives us a stunning personal story of growing up in Iran, memories of her life lived in thrall to a powerful and complex mother, against the background of a country's political revolution. A girl's pain over family secrets; a young woman's discovery of the power of sensuality in literature; the price a family pays for freedom in a country beset by political upheaval-these and other threads are woven together in this beautiful memoir, as a gifted storyteller once again transforms the way we see the world and "reminds us of why we read in the first place" (Newsday).

Nafisi's intelligent and complicated mother, disappointed in her dreams of leading an important and romantic life, created mesmerizing fictions about herself, her family, and her past. But her daughter soon learned that these narratives of triumph hid as much as they revealed. Nafisi's father escaped into narratives of another kind, enchanting his children with the classic tales like the Shahnamah, the Persian Book of Kings. When her father started seeing other women, young Azar began to keep his secrets from her mother. Nafisi's complicity in these childhood dramas ultimately led her to resist remaining silent about other personal, as well as political, cultural, and social, injustices.

Reaching back in time to reflect on other generations in the Nafisi family, Things I've Been Silent About is also a powerful historical portrait of a family that spans many periods of change leading up to the Islamic Revolution of 1978-79, which turned Azar Nafisi's beloved Iran into a religious dictatorship. Writing of her mother's historic term in Parliament, even while her father, once mayor of Tehran, was in jail, Nafisi explores the remarkable "coffee hours" her mother presided over, where at first women came together to gossip, to tell fortunes, and to give silent acknowledgment of things never spoken about, and which then evolved into gatherings where men and women would meet to openly discuss the unfolding revolution.

Things I've Been Silent About is, finally, a deeply personal reflection on women's choices, and on how Azar Nafisi found the inspiration for a different kind of life. This unforgettable portrait of a woman, a family, and a troubled homeland is a stunning book that readers will embrace, a new triumph from an author who is a modern master of the memoir.





From the Jacket

I started making a list in my diary entitled "Things I Have Been Silent About." Under it I wrote: "Falling in Love in Tehran. Going to Parties in Tehran. Watching the Marx Brothers in Tehran. Reading Lolita in Tehran." I wrote about repressive laws and executions, about public and political abominations. Eventually I drifted into writing about private betrayals, implicating myself and those close to me in ways I had never imagined.
--From Things I Have Been Silent About


Azar Nafisi, author of the beloved international bestseller Reading Lolita in Tehran, now gives us a stunning personal story of growing up in Iran, memories of her life lived in thrall to a powerful and complex mother, against the background of a country's political revolution. A girl's pain over family secrets; a young woman's discovery of the power of sensuality in literature; the price a family pays for freedom in a country beset by political upheaval-these and other threads are woven together in this beautiful memoir, as a gifted storyteller once again transforms the way we see the world and "reminds us of why we read in the first place" (Newsday).

Nafisi's intelligent and complicated mother, disappointed in her dreams of leading an important and romantic life, created mesmerizing fictions about herself, her family, and her past. But her daughter soon learned that these narratives of triumph hid as much as they revealed. Nafisi's father escaped into narratives of another kind, enchanting his children with the classic tales like the Shahnamah, the Persian Book of Kings. When her father started seeing other women, young Azar began to keep his secrets from her mother. Nafisi's complicity in these childhood dramas ultimately led her to resist remaining silent about other personal, as well as political, cultural, and social, injustices.

Reaching back in time to reflect on other generations in the Nafisi family, Things I've Been Silent About is also a powerful historical portrait of a family that spans many periods of change leading up to the Islamic Revolution of 1978-79, which turned Azar Nafisi's beloved Iran into a religious dictatorship. Writing of her mother's historic term in Parliament, even while her father, once mayor of Tehran, was in jail, Nafisi explores the remarkable "coffee hours" her mother presided over, where at first women came together to gossip, to tell fortunes, and to give silent acknowledgment of things never spoken about, and which then evolved into gatherings where men and women would meet to openly discuss the unfolding revolution.

Things I've Been Silent About is, finally, a deeply personal reflection on women's choices, and on how Azar Nafisi found the inspiration for a different kind of life. This unforgettable portrait of a woman, a family, and a troubled homeland is a stunning book that readers will embrace, a new triumph from an author who is a modern master of the memoir.





About the Author

Azar Nafisi is a visiting professor and the director of the Dialogue Project at the Foreign Policy Institute of Johns Hopkins University. She has taught Western literature at the University of Tehran, the Free Islamic University, and the University of Allameh Tabatabai in Iran. In 1981 she was expelled from the University of Tehran after refusing to wear the veil. In 1994 she won a teaching fellowship from Oxford University, and in 1997 she and her family left Iran for America. She has written for The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and The New Republic and has appeared on countless radio and television programs. She lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband and two children.

Bookclub Guide

1. What are Nafisi''s "things I''ve been silent about"? Are there things you have been silent about, and why?

2. Nafisi writes that "as a family we were fond of telling stories." Describe the different kinds of stories her father and mother embraced. How were these "fictions" similar or different, and what purpose did they serve? In what ways do you see the author continuing this family habit, or in what ways do you see her breaking from it?

3. Talk about the theme of silence in the book. Is silence either always a bad choice, or always a good one? How does it relate to personal and cultural repression? Do you consider silence a freedom or a constraint?

4. Nafisi talks about the personal becoming the political. Name three examples of this theme from the book, and discuss the implications of the intersection of public and private in each case.

5. In the prologue, Nafisi writes, "Approval! My parents taught me how deadly this desire could be." What do you think she means by this? Do you agree that the longing for approval can be dangerous, and if so, in what ways?

6. Nafisi describes the different social, cultural, and religious atmospheres in Iran that shaped the experiences of four generations of women in her family. How were Azar''s grandmother''s experiences similar or different from her daughter, Negar''s? What about Azar and her mother? Discuss the ways in which each woman''s experience may have shaped her personality and approach to life. Do you see historical comparisons to women''s experiences in your own family?

7. Aunt Mina frequently uses the phrase "Another intelligent woman gone to waste." What does it mean for these women to have "gone to waste"? Can you list five women in Things I''ve Been Silent About who fall into this category? Was there anything, in your opinion, that they could have done to prevent themselves from going "to waste"? Are there public figures, or women in your own life, who might also fit this description? How are their experiences similar to, or different from, those of the Iranian women in the book?

8. The stories of the Shahnameh play a large role in this memoir. Who are the Persian literary heroines with whom Nafisi identifies most closely, and why? What relevance do these fictional women have to her own life, and to the lives of the women around her?

9. In this memoir, Nafisi candidly describes the positive and the negative aspects of her childhood relationship with both her father and her mother. Looking back, which parent, ultimately, had the most influence on the author''s life? How did the relationships change and develop over time? In what ways do you feel that they were healthy or unhealthy, and why? Do you see any parallels to relationships within your own family?

10. "My father used to say half jokingly that his years in jail were his most fruitful." How did those four years in jail affect the arc of Father''s life, and life for the whole Nafisi family? Metaphorically, what other jails are there in the book, and what are the effects on the lives of those trapped inside them? Father found a way to flourish artistically and intellectually during his incarceration. Could it be argued that this kind of confinement is actually beneficial, in some ways, for the development of personality and ideas? Why or why not?

11. Discuss the ways in which places-the different houses, cities, and countries in which Nafisi lives over the course of the book--affect Nafisi''s perception of herself, her family, and Iranian politics and culture.

Hardcover

368 Pages, 6.5 x 9.5 x 1.2 in

December 30, 2008

Random House Publishing Group

English


1400063612
9781400063611

From the Critics

"Absorbing . . . a testament to the ways in which narrative truth-telling-from the greatest works of literature to the most intimate family stories-sustains and strengthens us."-O: The Oprah Magazine
  
"Deeply felt . . . an affecting account of a family's struggle."-New York Times
  
"A gifted storyteller with a mastery of Western literature, Nafisi knows how to use language both to settle scores and to seduce."-New York Times Book Review
 
 "An immensely rewarding and beautifully written act of courage, by turns amusing, tender and obsessively dogged."-Kirkus Reviews, starred review
 
"A lyrical, often wrenching memoir."-People



From the Trade Paperback edition.

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