Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

by Chelsea Handler
Read by Chelsea Handler

Simon & Schuster Audio | April 22, 2008 | Audio Book (CD)

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea is rated 4 out of 5 by 14.
THE EAGERLY AWAITED COLLECTION OF PERSONAL ESSAYS FROM THE BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF MY HORIZONTAL LIFE

When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power -- vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea''s world -- a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense.

In this hilarious, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she''s convincing her third-grade class that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn''s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It''s Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

Format: Audio Book (CD)

Dimensions: 5.75 × 5.12 × 1 in

Published: April 22, 2008

Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio

Language: English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10: 0743573641

ISBN - 13: 9780743573641

Found in: Biography and Memoir

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Reviews

Rated 2 out of 5 by from Meh ... I give this book 2.5 stars. This book was just ok with a few LOL moments. Mostly, it was just ridiculous, and not sublimely so. It was a quick, and super easy read, but I can't really recommend it. "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang" was definitely funnier - try that one instead.
Date published: 2012-11-06
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Pretty hilarious I thought this book was funny and well written. I went in with no expectations and ended up really enjoying it. I only gave it a try because a friend suggested it to me and I wanted to take a break from reading series after series of my usual novels. I highly recommend if you're looking for a quick read and a good laugh.
Date published: 2012-08-30
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Hilarious A simple, amazing, scintillating and humorous read.
Date published: 2012-03-02
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Funny!! Chelsea is great I just love her. The book was funny from beginning to end, she has great stories to tell. A must read if you love Chelsea Handler :)
Date published: 2012-02-11
Rated 5 out of 5 by from So Funny One of the funniest books I have ever read. I this this chick.
Date published: 2011-09-16
Rated 4 out of 5 by from pure hilarity couldn't have picked a more 'laugh out loud' book as handler holds back absolutely nothing. some spots i found myself laughing at the choice of words or phrases she used to describe her situations rather than the actual hilarity of the moment (some weren't that funny) but overall--if you're simply looking for a good book to sit back with at the end of a long day, with a nice glass of vodka with an added delightful lime wedge (as she may suggest) and shed a few tears from laughing, you've certainly found your book.
Date published: 2010-05-11
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Very funny!! Did not finish reading yet, but I love this book. I like the down to earth approach, Love the fact that Chelsea is not perfect and she writes about it.
Date published: 2010-01-13
Rated 3 out of 5 by from A Nice trip down someone else's memory lane Although I enjoyed My Horizontal Life better, Are You There Vodka, It's me Chelsea was still a fun glimpse into Chelsea's life. It's told in a voice similar to stories you would expect your good friend to tell you about past adventures; no big unnecessary words, no arrogant similes, just simple, humourous stories. There were times though that I wondered if perhaps Chelsea embellished some of her stories. A nice, light read for the beach or airplane.
Date published: 2010-01-04
Rated 2 out of 5 by from Okay Her first book, "My Horizontal Life" was more entertaining than this one. You end up feeling sorry for her and wonder why she isn't in rehab of some form or another.
Date published: 2009-09-29
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Brilliant!! An absolutely hilarious read from start to finish. I'm going to pick up My Horizontal Life right now in the hope that it's equally as good. A must read for anyone who enjoys a good laugh!
Date published: 2009-08-07
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Another Stunner I have read both of Chelsea Handler's books in under a week. I can't help it, iLove this woman! Whether in her memoirs or on her show (Chelsea Lately) this woman makes me laugh while she pushes the envelope of what is socially and politically acceptable, which that is why I think we'd get along so well. In VODKA, this is more a telling of her life and what (I think) drove her to Grey Goose (V of choice) and HORIZONTAL was more a telling of her sexual escapades (amazing and hilarious). In this book you will laugh, be shocked, possibly offended, but it is all in good fun, so lighten the hell up. I hope she continues to write more fantastic books!
Date published: 2009-07-07
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Funny Chelsea Handler is hilarious, so this book was obviously funny. She has a way of making fun of everything and it will definitely make you laugh out loud. My only negative about this book is it was not as good as My Horizontal Life, which she also wrote. If you have not read My Horizontal Life, I would highly recommend that one, it's so much better.
Date published: 2009-02-26
Rated 3 out of 5 by from Are you there Vodka? Honestly, I was a tad disappointed with this book - although it was an amusing read, there were not as many "laugh out loud" moments as I thought there would be. I think I prefer her live over written.
Date published: 2009-01-29
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Great Read Another great book from Chelsea Handler. Although not as hysterically funny as 'My Horizontal Life' I still very much enjoyed it and looked forward to each chapter.
Date published: 2008-09-03

– More About This Product –

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

by Chelsea Handler
Read by Chelsea Handler

Format: Audio Book (CD)

Dimensions: 5.75 × 5.12 × 1 in

Published: April 22, 2008

Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio

Language: English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10: 0743573641

ISBN - 13: 9780743573641

About the Book

Stand-up comedian Handler recalls the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date--including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo. Unabridged. 5 CDs.

Read from the Book

CHAPTER ONE Blacklisted I was nine years old and walking myself to school one morning when I heard the unfamiliar sound of a prepubescent boy calling my name. I had heard my name spoken out loud by males before, but it was most often by one of my brothers, my father, or a teacher, and it was usually followed up with a shot to the side of the head. I turned around and spotted Jason Safirstein. Jason was an adorable fifth-grader with an amazing lower body who lived down the street from me. I had never walked to school, had a conversation with, or even so much as made eye contact with Jason before. After lifting up one of my earmuffs to make sure I had heard him correctly, I nervously attempted to release my wedgie while waiting for him to catch up. (A futile effort, as it turned out, when wearing two mittens the size of car batteries.) "I heard you were going to be in a movie with Goldie Hawn," he said to me, out of breath. Shit. I had worried something like this was going to happen. The day before, I had forgotten my language arts homework, and when the teacher singled me out in front of the entire class to find out where it was, I told her that I had been in three straight nights of meetings with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, negotiating my contract to play Goldie Hawn''s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin. The fact that no sequel to Private Benjamin was in the works, or that a third-grader wouldn''t be negotiating her own contract with the star of the movie and her l
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Table of Contents

CHAPTER ONE: Blacklisted

CHAPTER TWO: Chelsea in Charge

CHAPTER THREE: Prison Break

CHAPTER FOUR: Bladder Stones

CHAPTER FIVE: Big Red

CHAPTER SIX: Dining in the Dark

CHAPTER SEVEN: Dim Sum and Then Some

CHAPTER EIGHT: Barking up the Wrong Tree

CHAPTER NINE: Re-Gift

CHAPTER TEN: Jumped

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Mini-Me

CHAPTER TWELVE: Costa Rica

From the Publisher

THE EAGERLY AWAITED COLLECTION OF PERSONAL ESSAYS FROM THE BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF MY HORIZONTAL LIFE

When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power -- vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea''s world -- a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense.

In this hilarious, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she''s convincing her third-grade class that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn''s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It''s Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

About the Author

Chelsea Jane Handler was born in Livingston, New Jersey on February 25, 1975. She has performed across the country as a stand-up comedian with much of her work appearing on television. Handler's acting experience includes appearing as a regular on the Oxygen Network series Girls Behaving Badly and also on Weekends at the D.L., The Bernie Mac Show and The Practice. She began starring in her own late-night E! comedy series Chelsea Lately in July 2007. Handler has written two New York Times bestselling books: My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands and Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea.

Editorial Reviews

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer."

-- Jay Leno
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