Nightlight: A Parody by The Harvard LampoonNightlight: A Parody by The Harvard Lampoon

Nightlight: A Parody

byThe Harvard Lampoon

Paperback | November 3, 2009

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About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.

Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.
The first volume of the Harvard Lampoon appeared in February, 1876. Written by seven undergraduates and modeled on Punch, the British humor magazine, the debut issue took the Harvard campus by storm. United States President Ulysses S. Grant was advised not to read the magazine, as he would be too much "in stitches" to run the governmen...
Title:Nightlight: A ParodyFormat:PaperbackDimensions:160 pages, 7.92 × 5.2 × 0.51 inPublished:November 3, 2009Publisher:Knopf Doubleday Publishing GroupLanguage:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:0307476103

ISBN - 13:9780307476104

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Rated 1 out of 5 by from Highly Disappointing Just when I thought a book couldn't be worse than the original series, this comes along. I'm not a fan of Twilight, and I figured that this would be a good, funny read. It was anything but that. It is incredibly too over the top at trying to be funny, that it ends up not being funny at all. I can have a pretty stupid sense of humor sometimes, but this was dry, exhausting and actually painful to get through. The author(s) tried too hard to play on the backlash to the Twilight series and failed miserably. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone.
Date published: 2012-03-30
Rated 1 out of 5 by from Not really funny -- Twilight fan or not. ***MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS*** Sometimes, in a person’s life, one will read bad books. I’m not talking about those “Wow – that was a bad book” kind of books, but more like the painful, car-wreck, “I can’t believe I spent money on this” kind of book. I thought I would have learned after reading my first bad book, Wetlands by Charlotte Roche – one of those books that are so bad that you really want to put it down and stop reading immediately, but then realize that you’re kind of forced to read it because you spent money on it (foolish girl!) – but then I came across a new bad book while surfing the pages of That book was called Nightlight: A Parody written by the Harvard Lampoon. I’m not sure what I was thinking when I bought this book – maybe that it would be funny, maybe that it would have character like other funny books in the comedy genre, maybe that it might resemble Twilight just a little more, etc. One thing I did learn while reading: Be careful what you buy on Amazon – a book might look like it has really good ratings, but instead turn out to be very, very bad. Such is the case with Nightlight, a book so poorly written that I feel I have to warn other fans of Twilight to NOT read it. Before you think that I’m just one of those people who loved Twilight and thinks that nothing will hold a candle to it, I will say this: Twilight sure isn’t my life. There are plenty of other, better stories out there and I’ve read some of them. Stephenie Meyer isn’t the best writer—even if she did write a very popular series of books (the first 3 were decent, in my opinion). The movies are okay – the 3rd one finally living up to what it should be – and Robert Pattinson is not as dreamy as other people may think he is. Having said this, Nightlight was a bad book. The writing was quite terrible – I don’t normally look for spelling errors, but I did see at least 2 on my way through. There’s a little bit of a storyline, but it’s just so (for lack of a better word) fluffy that I wondered how I ever made it through some of the larger, more academic books on my shelves. The characters are forgetful and the writers seemed to only want to make everyone come across as an idiot and a fool rather than give them any kind of likeability. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone. There’s very little in this supposedly-humorous book that’s actually funny that it comes across as sad – I wonder why anyone would have agreed to publish such drivel. Even if you hate Twilight, there are way better books out there to satisfy your reading needs.
Date published: 2012-01-13
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Belle and Edwart Honestly, I laughed. Hard. It was really funny, in a stupid way which was the point. Super easy reading, very funny and I think it’s worth your time if you’re looking for a book like this. Something that doesn’t take itself too seriously, takes a knock at Twilight and will give you plenty of laughs. I hope there's a sequel. And may I just say, I found “Belle” to be far superior to “Bella”. Too funny.
Date published: 2011-03-07
Rated 1 out of 5 by from Is it worth reading? I was just wondering if this book is worth buying. Iam a twilight fan and it looks really funny and good. Anyone mind telling me if its good?! Please and thank you.
Date published: 2009-11-17

Read from the Book

It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still, he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all?  Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner.A computer sat before him on the table. He stared intently at the screen, narrowing his eyes into slits and concentrating those slits on the screen as if the only thing that mattered to him was physically dominating that screen. He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman's idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man."What is that?" I asked, knowing that whatever it was it wasn't avian."That's Edwart Mullen," Lucy said.Edwart. I had never met a boy named Edwart before. Actually, I had never met any human named Edwart before. It was a funny sounding name. Much funnier than Edward.As we sat there, gazing at him for what seemed like hours but couldn't have been more than the entire lunch period, his eyes suddenly flicked toward me, slithering over my face and boring into my heart like fangs. Then in a flash they went back to glowering at that screen. "He moved here two years ago from Alaska," she said.So not only was he pale like me, but he was also an outsider from a state that begins with an "A." I felt a surge of empathy. I had never felt a connection like this before."That boy's not worth your time," she said wrongly. "Edwart doesn't date." I smirked inwardly and snorted outwardly. So, I would be his first girlfriend.

Editorial Reviews

"Bloody funny. . . . A pitch-perfect spoof. . . . This comedic takedown . . . captures the hysteria of teenage longing and first love with just the appropriate amount of satire and quick wit." -The Observer's Very Short List

"Worth every pseudo-bloodsucking, angst-ridden page." -Entertainment Weekly

"Mocks All Things Vampire." -The Wall Street Journal