Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

by Chelsea Handler

Gallery Books | December 29, 2009 | Trade Paperback

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea is rated 4.2308 out of 5 by 13.
Welcome to Chelsea Handler's world—a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense.

When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power—vodka. Seems reasonable, when considering that she discovered her boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo and she had to pretend to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class.

In this highly entertaining, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she’s convincing her third-grade class that she has been chosen to play Goldie Hawn’s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

Format: Trade Paperback

Dimensions: 272 pages, 8.25 × 5.31 × 0.7 in

Published: December 29, 2009

Publisher: Gallery Books

Language: English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10: 1416596364

ISBN - 13: 9781416596363

Found in: Biography and Memoir

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Reviews

Rated 5 out of 5 by from One of the best comedy books I've read in a while! This book is so funny and ridiculous! I laughed so hard I cried! It got me interested right from the beginning and never stopped being funny. I would recommend this book to anyone with a sense of humor and for those who need to get one!
Date published: 2015-01-04
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Hilarious! The outrageous stories in this book will make you snort your drink through yor nose. A must read for lovers of Chelsea Lately
Date published: 2015-01-01
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Chelsea will keep you laughing page after page Chelsea has a peculiar upbringing; she is one of six children and she seemed to have raised herself along the way. The stories she tells of her family are laugh out loud hilarious! Not only does every story intensify the second Chelsea pours herself a vodka, but that is not the only party favour Chelsea brings to the table. Chelsea recounts her time in prison, as brief as it was, and her first prison girlfriend.
Date published: 2014-11-05
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Chelsea Handler unveiled Chelsea writes with the same wit she expresses verbally. She faced challenges as a youngster that is not uncommon but her different outlook and perception of life adds a somewhat humorous spin and somewhat sad observation of herself. She is not afraid to speak exactly what is cummulating in her brain which makes her both enduring and seem a little obscure at the same time. Her naive approach to life would make most people angry but it is what makes a good standup comedian shine. Thoroughly enjoyed delving into the life and mind of Ms. Handler.
Date published: 2014-01-28
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Chelsea Handler unveiled This laugh out loud book is guaranteed to make you laugh out loud! I love how Chelsea doesn't take herself seriously and there's not much else in her life that she doesn't take seriously or see the comical side of. Some of her "memories" had me cringing in embarrassment but she handles herself with the wit and humour we've all come to know, love and expect from Ms. Chandler. This book is my hands down favourite autobiography and I can't wait to read her next one. Love your work girl!!
Date published: 2014-01-23
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Amazing Didnt want it to end!
Date published: 2013-11-07
Rated 2 out of 5 by from Meh ... I give this book 2.5 stars. This book was just ok with a few LOL moments. Mostly, it was just ridiculous, and not sublimely so. It was a quick, and super easy read, but I can't really recommend it. "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang" was definitely funnier - try that one instead.
Date published: 2012-11-06
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Hilarious A simple, amazing, scintillating and humorous read.
Date published: 2012-03-02
Rated 5 out of 5 by from So Funny One of the funniest books I have ever read. I this this chick.
Date published: 2011-09-16
Rated 4 out of 5 by from pure hilarity couldn't have picked a more 'laugh out loud' book as handler holds back absolutely nothing. some spots i found myself laughing at the choice of words or phrases she used to describe her situations rather than the actual hilarity of the moment (some weren't that funny) but overall--if you're simply looking for a good book to sit back with at the end of a long day, with a nice glass of vodka with an added delightful lime wedge (as she may suggest) and shed a few tears from laughing, you've certainly found your book.
Date published: 2010-05-11
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Very funny!! Did not finish reading yet, but I love this book. I like the down to earth approach, Love the fact that Chelsea is not perfect and she writes about it.
Date published: 2010-01-13
Rated 3 out of 5 by from A Nice trip down someone else's memory lane Although I enjoyed My Horizontal Life better, Are You There Vodka, It's me Chelsea was still a fun glimpse into Chelsea's life. It's told in a voice similar to stories you would expect your good friend to tell you about past adventures; no big unnecessary words, no arrogant similes, just simple, humourous stories. There were times though that I wondered if perhaps Chelsea embellished some of her stories. A nice, light read for the beach or airplane.
Date published: 2010-01-04
Rated 2 out of 5 by from Okay Her first book, "My Horizontal Life" was more entertaining than this one. You end up feeling sorry for her and wonder why she isn't in rehab of some form or another.
Date published: 2009-09-29

– More About This Product –

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

by Chelsea Handler

Format: Trade Paperback

Dimensions: 272 pages, 8.25 × 5.31 × 0.7 in

Published: December 29, 2009

Publisher: Gallery Books

Language: English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10: 1416596364

ISBN - 13: 9781416596363

About the Book

In a word: hilarious. . . . These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they're also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt--Laura Zigman, author of "Animal Husbandry."

Read from the Book

CHAPTER ONE Blacklisted I was nine years old and walking myself to school one morning when I heard the unfamiliar sound of a prepubescent boy calling my name. I had heard my name spoken out loud by males before, but it was most often by one of my brothers, my father, or a teacher, and it was usually followed up with a shot to the side of the head. I turned around and spotted Jason Safirstein. Jason was an adorable fifth-grader with an amazing lower body who lived down the street from me. I had never walked to school, had a conversation with, or even so much as made eye contact with Jason before. After lifting up one of my earmuffs to make sure I had heard him correctly, I nervously attempted to release my wedgie while waiting for him to catch up. (A futile effort, as it turned out, when wearing two mittens the size of car batteries.) "I heard you were going to be in a movie with Goldie Hawn," he said to me, out of breath. Shit. I had worried something like this was going to happen. The day before, I had forgotten my language arts homework, and when the teacher singled me out in front of the entire class to find out where it was, I told her that I had been in three straight nights of meetings with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, negotiating my contract to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin. The fact that no sequel to Private Benjamin was in the works, or that a third-grader wouldn't be negotiating her own contract with the star of the mo
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Table of Contents

CHAPTER ONE: Blacklisted

CHAPTER TWO: Chelsea in Charge

CHAPTER THREE: Prison Break

CHAPTER FOUR: Bladder Stones

CHAPTER FIVE: Big Red

CHAPTER SIX: Dining in the Dark

CHAPTER SEVEN: Dim Sum and Then Some

CHAPTER EIGHT: Barking up the Wrong Tree

CHAPTER NINE: Re-Gift

CHAPTER TEN: Jumped

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Mini-Me

CHAPTER TWELVE: Costa Rica

From the Publisher

Welcome to Chelsea Handler's world—a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense.

When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power—vodka. Seems reasonable, when considering that she discovered her boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo and she had to pretend to be honeymooning with her father in order to upgrade to first class.

In this highly entertaining, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she’s convincing her third-grade class that she has been chosen to play Goldie Hawn’s daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

About the Author

Chelsea Jane Handler was born in Livingston, New Jersey on February 25, 1975. She has performed across the country as a stand-up comedian with much of her work appearing on television. Handler's acting experience includes appearing as a regular on the Oxygen Network series Girls Behaving Badly and also on Weekends at the D.L., The Bernie Mac Show and The Practice. She began starring in her own late-night E! comedy series Chelsea Lately in July 2007. Handler has written two New York Times bestselling books: My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands and Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea.

Editorial Reviews

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer."

-- Jay Leno