Everything is Perfect When You're a Liar

Hardcover | April 2, 2013

byKelly Oxford

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Kelly Oxford is …

A wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-olds

Not the queen of the world

An underage schnitzel-house dishwasher

The kid who stood up to a bully and almost passed out from the resulting adrenaline rush

A born salesman

Capable of willing her eyesight to be 20/20

That girl who peed her pants in the gas station that one time

Totally an expert on strep throat

Incapable of making Leonardo DiCaprio her boyfriend

A writer

A certified therapy assistant who heals with Metallica mixtapes

“Not fat enough to be super snuggly.” —Bea, age 4

Not above using raspberry-studded sh*t to get out of a speeding ticket

“Bitingly funny. But everybody knows that.” —Roger Ebert

Sad that David Copperfield doesn’t own a falcon

A terrible liar

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From the Publisher

Kelly Oxford is …A wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-oldsNot the queen of the worldAn underage schnitzel-house dishwasherThe kid who stood up to a bully and almost passed out from the resulting adrenaline rushA born salesmanCapable of willing her eyesight to be 20/20That girl who peed her pants in the gas st...

Kelly Oxford, dubbed "the Queen of Twitter" byDetails, started writing at five years old when she penciled "I had a baby" into her Hello Kitty diary, and she hasn't stopped since. She now writes words that companies like Warner Bros., CBS, and NBC have bought for film and television and magazines likeGQhave published. You can read more...

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Format:HardcoverDimensions:336 pages, 9.41 × 7.24 × 1 inPublished:April 2, 2013Publisher:HarperCollinsLanguage:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:1443408204

ISBN - 13:9781443408202

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Reviews

Rated 4 out of 5 by from Not as funny as I was lead to believe. But there were still a couple of laugh out loud moments. This was book was funny, I just think it was over hyped. There were at least 4 moments on the train where I was choking back audible laughter. Those stories had to do with urine, David Copperfield, her husband and Disneyland (all 4 were different stories). So I definitely would recommend it to others.
Date published: 2014-10-31
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Fun read! Enjoyable to the very end! Easy to follow, with laughable moments.
Date published: 2014-09-28
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Funny book This was hilarious! ;-)
Date published: 2014-03-11
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Awesomeness Just perfectly funny couldn't put it down
Date published: 2014-02-27
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Its like Twitter, only better. If you like like Kelly Oxford's Tweets, and enjoy the thought of bugging the hate machine on Facebook who troll her with mean Amazon reviews, and you're looking for something to read anyway, then you'll love buying this ebook.
Date published: 2014-01-30
Rated 2 out of 5 by from Everything Is Perfect When You're a Liar This book made me feel like an old fuss-budget. I just can't relate. Don't get me wrong—it's not a bad book. It's exactly the right book for many people; it's just not the right book for me. As a precocious six-year-old, Kelly Oxford dreamed big and ordered people around. I was so timidly shy as a child I wanted to meld into the book shelf at the back of the classroom and disappear. I just can't relate. A teenaged Kelly Oxford looked like Kate Moss and she could eat all the McDonald's food she wanted without gaining a pound. Like most teenaged girls, I fought a daily battle against weight gain. I just can't relate. Marijuana found its way to Oxford like those calories found their way to my hips. I seemed to repel marijuana. I never had to deal with it. By the time it did present itself in front of me, I was old enough to be indifferent. I just can't relate. I can't relate to flying down to Hollywood for a weekend to stalk Leonardo DiCaprio. I can't relate to living in a marijuana haze in a camper for weeks. I can't relate to paying for a lap dance for a male, let alone a female. I just can't relate. I read this book in small doses. I could only handle so much of her "rash and irrational" Tom Green-esque escapades at once. I found myself relating more to Oxford's parents than I did to her. I sympathized with them and pictured them shaking their heads in a Tom Green's parents-esque kind of way. This was not the book for me, but it might be the book for you. If you like stories that could be preceded by "Oh man, remember the time we got so wasted," this might be the book for you. If you are one of those insufferable skinny women who still run around declaring how fat you look in a bikini, this might be the book for you. If you like stories that include profanity and lots of capital letters, this might be the book for you. Kelly Oxford has more than half a million followers on Twitter. In a recent Tweet, she wrote: When people don't understand me, I assume they're dumb. — kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) August 28, 2013 Call me dumb.
Date published: 2013-09-11
Rated 5 out of 5 by from lol ....best way to describe it Laughed so hard. Makes me hope I'm a down to earth mom like this :-) Read it. Worth it for a good laugh
Date published: 2013-06-20
Rated 5 out of 5 by from read it now. hilarious. totally pee your pants hilarious.
Date published: 2013-05-09

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Editorial Reviews

"Kelly Oxford is like your cool babysitter who teaches you about sex and sarcasm in an un-creepy way. Hanging out with her book makes you wish your parents were always out to dinner."
? LENA DUNHAM
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