160 pages, 9.29 × 7.26 × 0.73 in
November 13, 2012
The following ISBNs are associated with this title:
ISBN - 10: 0385345224
ISBN - 13: 9780385345224
About the Book
Fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on. Here are the adventures of Miss Chicken; a young free-range, from raw innocence to golden brown ecstasy, in this spoof-in-a-cookbook that simmers in the afterglow of E.L. James' sensational trilogy.
Read from the Book
Oh, chicken, did you just cluck at me?” Crap. “No,” I squawk hoarsely. “I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?” Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.” “My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.” I know what his hard cooking is like. “I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine. “Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly. My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant. Give me a B! Whack. Give me an L! Whack. Give me an A! Whack. Give me a D! E! S! Whack whack whack. What does that spell? Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once. He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness. “You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.” Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused. I must remember to cluck at him more often. Mustard Spanked Chicken roasted chicken with mustard, fresh basil, and garlic Serves 41 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt, more t
Table of Contents
1: The Novice Bird
Extra-Virgin Chicken, Vanilla Chicken, Popped-Cherry Pullet, Learning-to-Truss-You, Chicken with a Lardon, Spanked Hen, Hot-Rubbed Hen, Spicy Fowl, Slicked Chick, Hard and Crisp Chicken on Soft Dumplings, Basted Bird, Holy Mole!, Chili-Lashed Fricassee, Bone-In Broiler, Cock Au Vin, Pulled Pullet, and Please-Don’t-Stop Chicken
2: Falling to Pieces: Chicken Parts and Bits
Holy-Hell Wings, Bound Wings, Chicken-Strip Tease, Sticky (Chicken) Fingers, Dripping Thighs, Spread and Stuffed Thighs, Pounded Thighs, Creamed Chicken Supreme, Go-Get-the-Butter Breasts, Steamy White Meat, Chicken and Tongue Ring, Pounded Tenderloin, Crimson Chicken Breasts, Iced Chicken Salad, Skewered Chicken, Chicken Hearts and Flowers, Chicken Sub
3: Advanced Technique: Chickens Gone Wild
Spatchcocked Chicken, Capon on Top, Boned Chicken, Spread-Eagle Chicken, Safe-Word Fowl, Hard-Limit Bird, Hogtied and Porked Chicken (with sausage), Red-Cheeked Chook (with apple), You Dirty Bird, Backdoor Beer Can Chicken, Erect Chicken, Forcemeat Chicken Foam, Hard-Slapped Roaster, Rough-Stuffed Clucker, Quailing Chicken Gelee, (Flame) Licked Chick
From the Publisher
Dripping Thighs, Sticky Chicken Fingers, Vanilla Chicken, Chicken with a Lardon, Bacon-Bound Wings, Spatchcock Chicken, Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken, Holy Hell Wings, Mustard-Spanked Chicken, and more, more, more!
Fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, in a book that makes every dinner a turn-on.
“I want you to see this. Then you’ll know everything. It’s a cookbook,” he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. “I want to prepare you, very much.” This isn’t just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest. There’s pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we’ll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling . . . Holy crap. “I will control everything that happens here,” he says. “You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you’re my ingredient.” I’ll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something—what? Something delicious.
So begins the adventures of Miss Chicken, a young free-range, from raw innocence to golden brown ecstasy, in this spoof-in-a-cookbook that simmers in the afterglow of E.L. James’s sensational Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Like Anastasia Steele, Miss Chicken finds herself at the mercy of a dominating man, in this case, a wealthy, sexy, and very hungry chef.
And before long, from unbearably slow drizzling to trussing, Miss Chicken discovers the sheer thrill of becoming the main course. A parody in three acts—“The Novice Bird” (easy recipes for roasters), “Falling to Pieces” (parts perfect for weeknight meals), and “Advanced Techniques” (the climax of cooking)—Fifty Shades of Chicken is a cookbook of fifty irresistible, repertoire-boosting chicken dishes that will leave you hungry for more.
With memorable tips and revealing photographs, Fifty Shades of Chicken will have you dominating dinner.
About the Author
FL FOWLER is a pseudonym.
“…it will undoubtedly become one of America's most cherished cookbooks of all time.”
“Like any good parody, this manages to make fun of both the flabby porn of "Fifty Shades" and the gushing language of "food porn…” -BonAppetit.com
“…this genius little tidbit that combines the sexual and the culinary…” -Glamour.com
“All signs indicate that Fifty Shades of Chicken, a new cookbook parodying erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, is the real deal. We can't get over the hilarity of the description on the book's web site.” -Huffington Post
"The book that spawned “mommy porn” has now given a new meaning to playing with your food. . . You’ll never look at chickens the same way again." -Salon.com
"Besides clever writing with laugh-out-loud double entendres, Fifty Shades of Chicken offers 50 (of course) tempting recipes, among them Crunchy Chicken Parmesan Croquettes and Cranberry Baked Chicken With Apple Cider." -The Republic