Identity Design: Design The Identity You Need To Get The Life You Want by Frank SzymanskiIdentity Design: Design The Identity You Need To Get The Life You Want by Frank Szymanski

Identity Design: Design The Identity You Need To Get The Life You Want

byFrank Szymanski

Paperback | August 2, 2016

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If you're not happy most of the time it's not because you don't have what you want, it's because you don't know who you are.Identity Designis the research-driven guide to powerful and generous living. If you want more meaning in your life, you need to answer this question:

Who do you want to be?

Written by Judge Frank, a juvenile Court judge in Detroit who has spent years transforming the lives of young people facing extreme challenges, this is a personal manual for identity design

Judge Frank Szymanski serves as a juvenile court judge in Detroit, working with some of the most dangerous and troubled youth in America, working to transform young people guilty of everything from carjacking, armed robbery, and murder into model citizens. Courtroom 3C at the Lincoln Hall of Justice has become an Identity Design factor...
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Title:Identity Design: Design The Identity You Need To Get The Life You WantFormat:PaperbackDimensions:222 pages, 9.21 × 6.14 × 0.68 inPublished:August 2, 2016Publisher:Morgan James PublishingLanguage:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:1630474355

ISBN - 13:9781630474355

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Are you in service? Who and how and why do you serve? Service is the ultimate action for personal fulfillment. Research shows serving affirms our connection with others, builds our self-esteem by establishing our value, and makes our hearts grow stronger. We become healthier and happier when we serve, when we give, when we love. The more we give, the more of us there is to give. If you want to make a friend, change the world, and feel alive, serve somebody.If you're not giving, you're not connecting. It's as simple as that. No man is an island. No woman is a stone. You cannot expect to feel fulfilled or happy alone. If you feel alone, the quickest remedy is not to strategize how you are going to develop relationships or get people to like you. The quickest remedy is to do something for someone. The more of yourself you give to others, the more of you there is to give. Think of how you appreciate others who have been kind to you. You build confidence and a sense of your own inherent value and worth when you give.We don't take our possessions with us when we're gone. We think we "own" our possessions, but in fact, we're only renting these things until we're gone. The only thing that matters when we're gone, the only thing that counts, is what we've done for others. After this, everything else is irrelevant. A life designed only for your own benefit will ring hollow by every measure. None of us live in a vacuum. The fact is selfishness is useless. It's a distraction. There's no such thing as a happy selfish person.At a subatomic level, we are all connected in a swirl of space. Quantum physics tells us that, at our most basic level, we are nothing more than energy and information interconnected in a vast cosmic soup. We need to appreciate this connection. It's one of the reasons that injustice to one is injustice to all. We cannot tolerate behavior that belittles or demeans anyone. There's no place for it. Unfortunately, there's injustice all around us. But the more enlightened we become, the less there will be. As we commit more deeply to serving each other, we will naturally reduce the injustice in the world.The forces of greed, and materialism, and selfishness divide us. Every step we take that moves us away from others adds to the alienation in this world and fosters more injustice. Service reverses this phenomenon. Most of us can recall experiences where we found ourselves truly giving of ourselves to others. It might have been under circumstances where a family member was injured or in need of help. It may have been a situation where there was a breakdown of some sort, such as a power outage or a damaging storm, and our help was needed.There's a certain clarity that emerges when someone who you are with is in deep need of your help, because you realize that for the moment that you need to provide that help, nothing else matters. You are not distracted because you realize that, under the circumstances, anything that might normally distract you is irrelevant. If you think of these experiences, I'm sure you can recall the beauty of the feeling of helping others. It's a universal feeling. Each time there is some overwhelming disaster, we see examples of people pulling together in extraordinary ways in response to the common need to address the hardships caused by a hurricane, a tsunami, a terrorist attack, or some other event.These events are touchstones for our connectedness. New York residents recall that in the days following 9/11, the normal boundaries and class divisions disappeared. People greeted each other on the street and were more considerate and sensitive to each other. Was this a taste of heaven on earth? This was a response to a tragic event and an extremely stressful set of circumstances. Studies suggest that acute stress may lead to greater cooperative and friendly behavior. In Scientific American, Emma Sepp?l? said she believes this group response may be responsible for our collective survival as a species. Researchers have found that after acute stress, men became more trusting of others and were more likely to cooperate with others as they played an economic game based on joint efforts.Decades of research show that social connection is a basic human need, and it has been linked to psychological and physical health, including a stronger immune system, faster recovery from disease, and even longevity. The quality of our lives is a function of the quality of our relationships. And there is no better way to build our relationships than to give. Love is the ultimate gift, and as that quote from Henry David Thoreau indicates, it must be a light, a light which illuminates us. "Love must be as much a light as it is a flame."A student once asked renowned anthropologist Margaret Mead about the first sign of civilization in a given culture. Expecting the response to be a clay pot or a primitive tool of some kind, he was surprised to hear her answer, "A healed femur." Mead explained that no healed femurs could be found where the law of the jungle, the survival of the fittest, operated. The healed femur was a sign that someone cared. A sign that someone did the hunting and gathering for the injured person until their leg could heal. This evidence of compassion, according to Mead, is the first sign of civilization.Take a moment to think of where we would be if we had continued to live strictly by the law of the jungle, if we were driven only by the credo of every man for himself. The marvels of modern day society, of man's scientific progress, would never be possible. For as many evils that persist today, you would have to acknowledge we've come an incredibly long way from our humble beginnings as a race of simple hunters and gatherers. So, if the first sign of compassion is the first sign of civilization, we can't escape the fact that we need that compassion to play a central role in our lives.Psychologists Les Parrott and Neil Clark Warren suggest that compassion and self-giving love also serve as the first sign of personal fulfillment. They suggest the ability to serve self-giving love without seeking a return is the "hinge" upon which a happy life hangs, that you can't be happy without love no matter what wealth, or power, or honors you possess. They define the term "self-giving love" as selfishness in reverse, as love that is not concerned with benefits and expects nothing in return.Love and giving lead us to practice empathy. Love and empathy feed each other. Empathy is the practice of understanding and experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another. Studies show this quality, more than any other, to be at the very heart of loving others. Empathy is a deep way to connect with a friend because you're not only listening to them, you're working to put yourself in their shoes.The more grateful you are, the more loving and giving you become. Here's an activity that increases your gratitude and your giving at the same time. Identify key people in your life, and make a list of things you appreciate about each person. When you are with a particular person, think of your list and tell the person what you appreciate about them. It's great to just slip this into the conversation. For example, you mention a film you just saw and the fact that the main character was extremely loyal. You could add, "That character was almost as loyal as you are!" It helps to start with a list. So, think of some of the main people in your life and list the things that you appreciate about them. DO THIS NOW.You now have a list that will give you the chance to express your appreciation for the good things that your friends and family bring to your life. Start sharing these thoughts with them and watch them light up as you do. You'll both feel the glow from this exchange.

Table of Contents

A Word about Judge Frank Szymanski

Acknowledgments

Author's Note

Preface

Identity Design (revealed)

Design Questions

The Ownership Identity

The Challenge Identity

Rejection and Failure (The Success Twins)

Identity State (What a State You're In)

The Kid Identity

The Service Identity

The Joy Identity

The Planning Identity

The Now Identity

Appendix: Identity Design 49 Questionnaire

Bibliography