Is It You or Is It Me?: Why Couples Play the Blame Game

Paperback | June 17, 1999

byScott Wetzler, Diane Cole

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In this provocative new look at romantic relationships, psychologist Scott Wetzler explores the widespread phenomenon of misplaced anger that seems to define couple dynamics in the 1990s. He finds a wary, secretive, and combative atmosphere clouding relationships. Partners are feeling hurt and bruised by the very people with whom they are most vulnerable. In desperation and puzzlement, they are asking, "Who's at fault here? Is it you or is it me?"

What seems to be driving this "inside-out" dynamic, says Dr. Wetzler, is our increasing inability to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that intimacy arouses--anger, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, or self-doubt. We have become utterly cynical about love and find it easier to hold our partners responsible for our psychological frailties than to own up to and work through the confusing emotions that inevitably accompany falling and being in love.

Written in a strong narrative style with illuminating case examples throughout, here is a book of relationship advice for grownups.

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From Our Editors

Learn how to stop blaming your partner and examine how you truly feel inside. This self-help book teaches readers about misplaced anger and hostility. The author explains that with feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment and self-doubt, love often turns into a battle of who’s right and who’s wrong. Instead of dealing with these ...

From the Publisher

In this provocative new look at romantic relationships, psychologist Scott Wetzler explores the widespread phenomenon of misplaced anger that seems to define couple dynamics in the 1990s. He finds a wary, secretive, and combative atmosphere clouding relationships. Partners are feeling hurt and bruised by the very people with whom they ...

From the Jacket

In this provocative new look at romantic relationships, psychologist Scott Wetzler explores the widespread phenomenon of misplaced anger that seems to define couples dynamics in the 1990s. Partners are feeling hurt and bruised by the very people with whom they are most vulnerable. In desperation and puzzlement, they are asking, "Who's ...

Scott Wetzler, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and professor of psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine and Montefiore Medical Center, is the author ofLiving with the Passive-Aggressive Man.

other books by Scott Wetzler

Living With The Passive-aggressive Man
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Kobo ebook|Aug 26 2013

$10.09 online$13.11list price(save 23%)
Format:PaperbackDimensions:272 pages, 8 × 5.31 × 0.61 inPublished:June 17, 1999Publisher:HarperCollinsLanguage:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:0060930292

ISBN - 13:9780060930295

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From Our Editors

Learn how to stop blaming your partner and examine how you truly feel inside. This self-help book teaches readers about misplaced anger and hostility. The author explains that with feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment and self-doubt, love often turns into a battle of who’s right and who’s wrong. Instead of dealing with these emotions, people often put blame on their partner. Dr. Scott Wetzler aims to stop this cycle by teaching readers to confront how they feel inside instead of turning their mate into an opponent.

Editorial Reviews

"It's all too easy for couples to get into the Blame Game, but once in the game, how do you get out of it? In the wonderfully written "Is It You or Is It Me?" authors Scott Wetzler, Ph.D., and Diane Cole have some surprising and remarkably helpful answers to offer."-- Maggie Scarf, author of "Intimate Worlds""This is an incisive, perceptive, and original book written by a master clinician who appreciates the nuances of romantic relationships and human emotions."-- T. Byram Karasu, M.D., psychiatrist-in-chief, Montefiore Medical Center