My Life With Beth Essays: Stories From Ubetchukan and the Schnockerd Ukrainian by Felin Meddlessohm

My Life With Beth Essays: Stories From Ubetchukan and the Schnockerd Ukrainian

byFelin Meddlessohm

Kobo ebook | April 30, 2015

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      Follow the life of Felin Meddlesshom as he scribes the scribbles of the remarkable Dr. Oscan Lincolnstritch! The world's leading expert on Pre-Historic Oral Tradition...
     Read My Life with Beth Essays, Stories from Ubetchukan and The Schnockered Ukrainian, along with frequent uplifting blogs from Dr. Ananda Parnell.
AMAZON sold almost 6000 on their Prime!  Poor Felin didn't get a dime!
Still - we are coming along and you will be able to:
            Keep up on the continuing travels of Marybeth,
 Dr. Oscan Lincolnstritch, Dr. Fritree, Dam Yu Suk and all the others that live the concept that if you think you can, then.......Ubetchukan!
           If you look hard enough, you might even find yourself at one of the Schnockered pubs having some really great Ubetchukan Tea, Terryaki Yak, or even some edible clay soup. 
                           I'll do my best to provide all of the escapades as they come up.  

                More later,          Felin Meddlessohm 



                                                      An Oscan Return

     Well, here we are again. Oscan showed up at a small airport where Beth was going to fly out a patient. Beth sent me a text message about it. Actually, it was a lot more than one. It turns out that Oscan had hitched a ride with a pilot he met in Texas at a little well-known joint known as the Crazy Pilots Bliss. Oscan saw Beth about to board her plane in NM, saw an empty seat and asked if he could have a lift back to our town – and my house. Somehow Beth persuaded the pilot, (I’ll find out how later.), to let him on with them. Space is cramped on an air-ambulance so Oscan had to leave a rather large bag behind. He said he would send a limo for it the next day. So, here is the pilot, a professional paramedic, Beth, and Oscan looking at the patient, strapped to a gurney and wondering what the hell is going on. Poor lady, I’m sure she was hoping that Oscan wasn’t the Dr. as he looked like ‘warm, wet raison toast with a fringe of mold’. Her words exactly.

     This flight was pretty tricky as they had to keep a close eye on the patient. What was worse was the fact that they were going to be flying in some pretty bad weather. Beth was texting that the pilot was trying to hurry to beat the heaviest part of the storm. The message was hard to make out though because as she was bouncing down the runway she couldn’t spell very well. I got the idea of it though. Oscan was freaking, the patient was trying to calm him, the PP was laughing, and the pilot was trying to maintain his lane and get in the air without hitting the ground ambulance pulling off the tarmac.

     What a crew! God love ‘em. Things almost calmed down for a bit when they got up. Beth’s spelling was better, Oscan got a grip, the patient was medicated and the PP was still laughing. Things got even better when the pilot told them not to worry as they still have the landing gear and most of the tail rudder. A small object, (probably the specimen bottle left on the roof of the ambulance.), hit the tail – no big deal.

     Oscan started to tell Beth what had been happening up to this point. He got lost in Nigeria. The bag with most of his cash was stolen and most of what he had left he had to burn in the desert to keep warm. This is where he met Dr. Fritree.

     Dr. Fritree had just been threatened with arrest in France for wanting to try a new invention of his - The Portable DNA Converter Machine that he hoped would make people a bit smarter. Like Oscan, he was thought to be a brilliant man but was a few fruits short of a tropical punch. He managed to escape arrest by taking an UAE flight out of Paris to Dubai but the plane was hijacked and landed somewhere in Nigeria. After treating the hijackers for minor injuries sustained during the landing they let him go on his way. On foot, carrying his equipment and a few diamonds he made his way into the desert where he found Oscan setting up camp. The fire burned warmly with the tightly packed rolls of 10,000 lira notes. They sat and talked for most of the night, tossing cash and drinking nasty tea with cognac. They parted ways in the morning, exchanging well wishes, addresses, cash and diamonds with a promise to keep in touch.

     Beth’s phone went out and I’ll have to wait to get the rest of the story.

     The last message though was interesting. Oscan has been invited to the pilots house for dinner, (us too), as Oscan’s story has got him wondering about a few thing. Like, ‘What’s in the bag?’ How did he really get here?’ ‘Who did he meet at the Crazy Pilots Bliss’ and ‘Since it’s a very private, little known place’, how the hell did he even get in?’

     I’m sure it will be an interesting evening. I’ll let you know.

Next Day

     Well… Dinner was rather uneventful. I was supposed to pick Oscan up at the Schnockered but he has now disappeared. Again. I went looking for him in all the usual places. The jazz club downtown, various coffee shops, even the airport and hospitals, (just in case). You just never know what might come up with Oscan.

                 I missed dinner. Beth went by herself.

     Oscan did call this morning, (Thank God!). It turns out that he spent the night at the hospital in Rio Rancho with someone that he met at a museum earlier in the day. The new acquaintance had suffered a heart attack while looking at some rather abstract art. Oscan, being the wonderful person he is, took a cab and followed the ambulance to the hospital to make sure the guy was going to be ok. He ended up staying for the night in a bed next to his new friend. Oscan said the nurses let him stay, “’cause he was just too entertaining and it was a slow night anyway”. He just forgot to call us. All is well. We forgive him.

More later. Felin



                                                                         Meet Dam Yu Suk


Well… Dam has been such a success at the Schnockered Ukrainian with his confusion of infusion of various recipes that the owners have decided he run the pubs in other countries. One of the biggest hits is the addition of edible clay soup – which you can get by the cup, bowl or as a topping on just about any dish. The only thing he won’t mess with is the Terryaki Yak which Oscan brought back from China on one of his now famous excursions there. That is one recipe that is dear to Oscan’s heart and he gets upset if there is even a hint of a semblance of a change in it.

As you know, Dam met Oscan in a train station after running across the 48th parallel and Oscan helped him get a visa to the US via Ubethchukan.

No easy feat.

Even for Oscan.

Anyway, since Dam has been the chef at the Schnockered, business has really improved. All of the Schnockered pubs are following his lead with only using the best local and organic foods in the kitchens. In addition, arrests have been down at the pubs due to the agreements that no chef, or customer, can be detained without at least trying the dish(s) in question. Now people are flocking to Eastern Europe, the Near East, the Middle East, the Far East and, indeed, all over the subcontinent. Even the Pakistanis are taking trips to visit a pub.

Of course they are very careful to avoid being seen in one as they might be labeled a Kaffir, (look it up), and the temptation to stay for an extended visit might corrupt their already corrupt minds and they might have a spiritual awakening that would make the 18th century happen all over again. Figure that one out!

More about Dam.

He spent some time in and out of various prisons in North Korea as he was suspected of being a subversive. Before that, he was a farmer and chemist, (he thinks). He does have extensive knowledge of organic chemistry and other things but his time in prison has kind of blotted out a lot of it. Since eating and serving dishes made with edible clay though, his memory is coming back in bits and pieces. He does remember serving a guard some stew at one of the prisons, (at his last visit), and as the guy fell asleep Dam took his hat and keys and walked up to the gate, unlocked it, and just walked through. After that things become a bit fuzzy. He found himself in Seoul at a train station. Dam was still wearing the garb he left with but someone had wrapped him with a large shawl to cover it up. It must have been noticed by a passerby that he looked out of place and knew he needed some help and a shawl was what they had. What a nice gesture!

Enter Oscan.

As the story goes, Oscan missed the previous train connection, got on another train headed the wrong direction, got off at the next stop, crossed the tracks, got on another train, (#6), still heading the wrong direction. He finally got off at the end of the line where he found Dam. Since Dam was the only person at the stop, Oscan woke him up to ask directions. Since Dam had no idea where he was, he certainly didn’t know where Oscan was.

They waited for the next train together.

After passing through places like Chang-4, Nowan Rd., Seokgye Rd., and Seongbuk, they found themselves at the City Hall Station. Talk about a break! After talking to a few people there the headed to the Embassy of the United States. By train again. They did manage to get off at Gwanghnaman station but, had to walk around a bit before they found the Embassy. After explaining the situation to the clerk there, Oscan was asked for his passport and visa.

This is where it gets really interesting!

Oscan has both Ubetchukan and U.S, passports – both with so many visa stamps that he clerk couldn’t figure out where and when Oscan had traveled. Dam, of course, had nothing. It was only when Oscan produced a letter from Yonsei University, (look it up), with the signature of a person that the clerk knew did they get some real help. She managed to get them train tickets to Ubetchukan by way of various airlines to France, then the U. S., then Siberia.

Weird, but if you have ever traveled in other countries, and have a glitch in your ticket, you know that’s how it works sometimes.

So, to tidy this up, Oscan and Dam went to Paris and looked around for a bit, then got a plane to New York, where they looked around for a bit, then caught a plane to Irkutsk, where they didn’t look around for a bit, then finally got the Baikal-Amur Mainline, (look it up), to Ubetchukan. After getting Dam Yu Suk some “proper” papers, they headed back to the United States via Irkutsk and Paris where Dam set up shop at the Schnockered. The rest is history.

Keep in mind that this information was given to me by Oscan during happy hour at the Schnockered Ukrainian and is probably only mostly accurate. By the way, the steamed clay clam appetizers were great! No edible clay soup tonight though.

 More later, Felin


Title:My Life With Beth Essays: Stories From Ubetchukan and the Schnockerd UkrainianFormat:Kobo ebookPublished:April 30, 2015Publisher:Indigenous PressLanguage:English

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