Relationship Sabotage: Unconscious Factors That Destroy Couples, Marriages, And Families

Hardcover | July 1, 2006

byWilliam J. Matta

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Hidden forces--memories of past poor or hurtful relationships--drive repressed feelings and emotions that are often outside our awareness. Though we want to love and be loved, to nurture and be nurtured, those forces can wreak havoc and sabotage relationships, destroying couples and even whole families. The scenario is so common, explains therapist Matta, that often people get divorced "without even fully understanding why," or knowing what is was that came between them. In many cases, what it was were lingering but unconscious memories of lessons learned as far back as childhood. These lessons may have no true bearing or justification in the current relationship, yet they can strongly affect it, fueling marital games, extra-marital affairs, addictions, poor parenting practices and a host of other harmful actions. This disturbing, yet fascinating text shows us why some people carry a psychological need to sabotage their intimate relationships. It reveals how, in cases where children are involved during marital sabotage, it is the most sensitive child who bears the symptoms of the unhealthy family, showing behaviors from acting-out to developing mental illness. Perhaps more frightening, these hidden forces and unconscious factors can be passed from generation to generation, creating a trail of failed relationships. Matta argues that we can learn to recognize these "imprints" and move past them to build or keep rewarding relationships. His book makes us aware, and gives us the tools to break the cycle.

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Hidden forces--memories of past poor or hurtful relationships--drive repressed feelings and emotions that are often outside our awareness. Though we want to love and be loved, to nurture and be nurtured, those forces can wreak havoc and sabotage relationships, destroying couples and even whole families. The scenario is so common, expla...

Format:HardcoverDimensions:162 pages, 9.32 × 6.38 × 0.98 inPublished:July 1, 2006Publisher:Praeger PublishersLanguage:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:0275989216

ISBN - 13:9780275989217

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"Listed by Psychology Today as one of the US's best family and marriage therapists, Matta here attempts to redirect clients' (and therapists') attention to the importance of unconscious factors that impact couples and families. He draws on a potpourri of techniques and ideas from leading therapists in the field, past and present, illustrating each point from his own case files. Two chapter titles indicate the essence of the book: "What People Bring to Counseling Is Often Not the Real Problem" and "Unconscious Forces Can Destroy Not Only Relationships, but Whole Families." Many chapters provide exercises that people in troubled relationships can use to improve their relationships. Chapter 8, "Organizing Problem-Solving Conversations," is particularly strong in providing helpful suggestions. Each chapter has a brief list of references, and the final chapter gives suggestions for finding an appropriate therapist. Although mainly written as a self-help book, this title will also be useful to those in training, since it offers a realistic picture of the problems clients present and how therapists can approach these problems using standard therapy techniques. Recommended. Upper-division undergraduates, graduate students, professionals, general readers."-Choice