Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters by Mallory OrtbergTexts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters by Mallory Ortberg

Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

byMallory Ortberg

Hardcover | November 4, 2014

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Hilariously imagined text conversations-the passive aggressive, the clever, and the strange-from classic and modern literary figures, from Scarlett O'Hara to Jessica Wakefield

Mallory Ortberg, the co-creator of the cult-favorite website The Toast, presents this whimsical collection of hysterical text conversations from your favorite literary characters. Everyone knows that if Scarlett O'Hara had an unlimited text-and-data plan, she'd constantly try to tempt Ashley away from Melanie with suggestive messages. If Mr. Rochester could text Jane Eyre, his ardent missives would obviously be in all-caps. And Daisy Buchanan would not only text while driving, she'd text you to pick her up after she totaled her car. Based on the popular web-feature, Texts from Jane Eyre is a witty, irreverent mashup that brings the characters from your favorite books into the twenty-first century.

Mallory Ortberg is the co-creator of The Toast, a general-interest website geared toward women. She has written for Gawker, New York Magazine, The Hairpin, and The Atlantic. She lives in the Bay Area.
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Title:Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary CharactersFormat:HardcoverDimensions:240 pages, 8.28 × 4.98 × 0.87 inPublished:November 4, 2014Publisher:Henry Holt and Co.Language:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:1627791833

ISBN - 13:9781627791830

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Reviews

Rated 4 out of 5 by from delightful If you have a sense of humour about the western literary canon, you will enjoy this.
Date published: 2017-05-22
Rated 5 out of 5 by from I thought this was hilarious I picked up this book from the library after hearing about it online and oh my god it's so funny. Unfortunately, I spend too much time rereading the same 5 books and I didn't get a number of the sections, but the ones I did get made me laugh out loud. My favourite one was The Lorax because it's just so precious. #plumreview
Date published: 2017-02-19
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Hilarious So funny! Great for your friend who loves literary humour
Date published: 2016-12-27
Rated 5 out of 5 by from loved The Toast I got this because I really enjoyed Ortberg's site The Toast. A really funny take on classic literary characters.
Date published: 2016-11-08
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Intelligent and Funny Mallory is one of my favourite writers on the internet, and this book channels her signature humour with her love of literature for a hilarious look at what literary characters might text each other. My favourites include Texts From Emma, J. Alfred Prufrock and The Baby-sitter's Club. Great English-major humour, but you don't need to have read the books to find this funny.
Date published: 2014-11-06

Table of Contents

Part I
Medea 3
Gilgamesh 6
Achilles 8
Dido 11
Plato 12
Circe 14
Medea, Part II 17
King Midas 19
The Wife of Bath 20
William Blake 21
King Lear 25
John Donne 30
Hamlet 32
Don Quixote 34
Hamlet, Part II 36
René Descartes 37
William Wordsworth 39
Hamlet, Part III 41
Samuel Taylor Coleridge 43
Hamlet, Part IV 45

Part II
Jane Eyre 49
Sherlock Holmes 52
Emily Dickinson 55
Oliver Twist 60
Lord Byron 62
John Keats 66
Emma 69
Pride and Prejudice 72
Moby-Dick 78
Great Expectations 85
Gone with the Wind 89
Edgar Allan Poe 94
Treasure Island 101
Gone with the Wind, Part II 105

Part III
"The Yellow Wallpaper" 109
Wuthering Heights 114
Little Women 120
Hamlet, Part V 129
Henry David Thoreau 130
Daisy Miller 134
The Island of Dr. Moreau 136
Daisy Miller, Part II 137
Les Misérables 139
A Tale of Two Cities 145
Rudyard Kipling 146
Daisy Miller, Part III 147
Daisy Miller, Part IV 148
The Sun Also Rises 149
Agatha Christie 152
The Great Gatsby 153
Daisy Miller, Part V 155
J. Alfred Prufrock 156
Virginia Woolf 161
William Faulkner 162
Daisy Miller, Part VI 165
Peter Pan 167
The Great Gatsby, Part II 171

Part IV
Sweet Valley High 175
The Outsiders 179
The American Girl Series 183
The Baby-Sitters Club 188
Nancy Drew 192
Atlas Shrugged 196
Fight Club 200
The Lorax 205
Rebecca 209
Cormac McCarthy 213
The Hunger Games 216
William Carlos Williams 219
Harry Potter 222
The Little Prince 225

Editorial Reviews

"In Texts from Jane Eyre Mallory Ortberg hilariously proves that she understands fictional characters better than they understand themselves. She makes me laugh like no one else." -Rainbow Rowell, bestselling author of Eleanor & Park and Fangirl"Dear Mallory Ortberg's Publisher: Please send me 27 cases of Texts from Jane Eyre, because I ate it like it was candy coated in crack cocaine, it's the best, and I need to give it to everyone." -Elizabeth Gilbert, bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love and The Signature of All Things"Witty and literate. Smart-ass humor with an emphasis on smart. I'm not sure who I'm more jealous of: Mallory Ortberg for her comic brilliance, or whoever got to sit next to her in high school English." -Adam Bertocci, author of Two Gentlemen of Lebowski"Mallory Ortberg is actually, literally the funniest person on the internet. It turns out she has also read everything. This is the smartest, most highbrow, most sophisticated literary book that will ever make you pee yourself in public." -Rachel Fershleiser, co-editor of Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure"[A] splendid and wry work of humor writing...Texts from Jane Eyre is to literary culture what The Daily Show is to politics: both use satire to expose the contradictions and absurdity enabling powerful figures." -Los Angeles Review of Books"What if the greatest characters in literary history all carried around smartphones and typed out messages to each other?...[A] highbrow yet subversive sensibility" -NPR Morning Edition"These informal, off the cuff missives are true to each character's voice, as Ortberg understands them deeply--and the result is hilarious...Don't resist. Just give in to this crazy, wonderful book." -Bustle.com"Humorist Ortberg offers a side-splitting take on famous literary characters from Gilgamesh to Hermione Granger by peeking into their imagined text messages...Ortberg charmingly captures, in short, palatable bytes, what is most memorable about famous books and their indelible characters." -Publishers Weekly"Ortberg finds a way of lampooning the ridiculous characters of the past (both fictional and non fiction) thanks to her endless knowledge of and passion for western literature and history and her sharp humor." -BUST Magazine"[Texts from Jane Eyre] is a treasure trove of weird literary jokes which, to be honest, are our favorite kind." -Brooklyn Magazine"Each [text conversation] brings a contemporary sensibility to timeless publications of yore. Be prepared to LOL--literally." -Los Angeles Magazine"Anyone who is really into the classics and also has a sense of humor will appreciate [Texts from Jane Eyre]. It will make a great holiday present." -BookRiot's "In the Mailbag""[T]his book is a literary aficionado's dream!...This compendium of witty and absolutely charming text messages from and to characters that we all know...had me laughing out loud and rereading over and over again." -Thereviewbroads.com"[A] super-funny book that envisions what text conversations would be like with your favorite literary legends...I recommend you pick up Texts from Jane Eyre for any book lover with a sense of humor (and maybe a cell phone.)" -Zulkey.com"Just in time to complete your Christmas shopping...Read it and send your AP English teacher a thank-you note. " -Jezebel.com"This makes me laugh...Cliff's Notes seem so wordy now, don't they?" -Houston Chronicle