The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star

Paperback | October 28, 2008

byNikki Sixx

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In one of the most unique memoirs of addiction ever published, Mötley Crüe's Nikki Sixx shares mesmerizing diary entries from the year he spiraled out of control in a haze of heroin and cocaine, presented alongside riveting commentary from people who were there at the time, and from Nikki himself.

When Mötley Crüe was at the height of its fame, there wasn't any drug Nikki Sixx wouldn't do. He spent days -- sometimes alone, sometimes with other addicts, friends, and lovers -- in a coke and heroin-fueled daze. The highs were high, and Nikki's journal entries reveal some euphoria and joy. But the lows were lower, often ending with Nikki in his closet, surrounded by drug paraphernalia and wrapped in paranoid delusions.

Here, Nikki shares those diary entries -- some poetic, some scatterbrained, some bizarre -- and reflects on that time. Joining him are Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars, Slash, Rick Nielsen, Bob Rock, and a host of ex-managers, ex-lovers, and more.

Brutally honest, utterly riveting, and shockingly moving, The Heroin Diaries follows Nikki during the year he plunged to rock bottom -- and his courageous decision to pick himself up and start living again.

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From the Publisher

In one of the most unique memoirs of addiction ever published, Mötley Crüe's Nikki Sixx shares mesmerizing diary entries from the year he spiraled out of control in a haze of heroin and cocaine, presented alongside riveting commentary from people who were there at the time, and from Nikki himself.When Mötley Crüe was at the height of i...

Format:PaperbackDimensions:432 pages, 8 × 6.12 × 0.7 inPublished:October 28, 2008Publisher:Vh1 BooksLanguage:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:1416511946

ISBN - 13:9781416511946

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Rated 5 out of 5 by from Heroin Dairies Oh Nikki Sixx you are an amazing man, even if some of your photos are kind of dark. Loved both your books and am now gonna listed to the sound tract of The Heroin Diaries. .
Date published: 2015-08-25
Rated 5 out of 5 by from love it! I Read the book in 3 days!I Couldn't put it down! There's a lot you don't know about your favourite rockstars, It's a definetly a must read
Date published: 2015-04-22
Rated 5 out of 5 by from love it! Have bought two copies of this book and couldn't put it down either time!
Date published: 2013-10-06
Rated 5 out of 5 by from A must read The diaries Nikki kept during the height of his addiction are dark, painfully honest and most of all brutally honest. As a reader you empathize immediately with his struggle. As a CDC I encourage anyone with addiction issues to read this book. Nikki doesn't glorify drug use, he gives hope for recovery, Sixx style!
Date published: 2013-06-15
Rated 5 out of 5 by from interesting a good book on how someone can sink so low and have so much-shows the true face of drug times funny,depressing and sad but very interesting.shows the true life of some of rocks biggest stars and their failures.
Date published: 2012-02-23
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Addicting Read When I found this book in the bookstore, I bought it only because I thought it looked cool. I wasn’t really into Motley Crue. And I didn’t intend to read it. Then one day, I opened it and started reading. Next thing I knew I was hooked, I couldn’t put it down! Basically this book contains one year’s worth of diary entries from Nikki Sixx during the height of Motley Crue’s career. It documents his journey with not only fame and his band… but with all the drugs and addictions he was going through. And let me tell you… he has the craziest stories and experiences. He has such a crazy life. Talk about living like a rock star. Also, his entries really show the dark and disturbing path that heroin and other addictions can take you. After all he went through I’m surprised he’s still alive! Nikki is my new hero. I’ve never read an autobiography as intense as this! Whenever I read this book I would just get lost in Nikki’s crazy, glamorous, doped-up, rockstar world and I couldn’t stop reading! Very captivating. I thought it was very creative that Nikki used his diary entries to tell his story. Also, the art and graphics they used in the book went really well with the diary entries. I loved it all. This is a must-read!
Date published: 2011-10-14
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Inspiring. I can't get enough of this book. Any time that I'm low and need a pick me up, I grab this book and re-read it. Nikki's diary entries takes you into the fascinating and disturbing world of a hardcore addict. You see how much an addiction torments the soul and twists the mind. It's a no apologies kind of read that leaves you seeing Nikki in a whole new light. And it shows that there's a light at the end of the dark tunnel of addiction, if one just takes the time to notice it and go towards it. A great read for anyone battling any kind of addiction, and for those wanting to know what it's like to live in that kind of darkness. This book is bound to give the reader a new appreciation for life.
Date published: 2011-07-29
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Merry Christmas, thats what people say at Christmas right? This is the first line in the Heroin Diaries. It takes place in December of '86 and ends the following Christmas in '87. All the gifts are under the tree and Nikki sits in a corner paranoid. It tells the true story of what happens when you're addicted to drugs. All his diary entries are in this book, they contain many secrets...most of them not good. Like flushing $2000 worth of drugs down the toilet after "the police bang at your door." I cant even imagine what he was going through. He would walk around his house with a shotgun in his hands. I dont know what would drive someone to do that, but Nikki admits it- Heroin made him crazy. Nikki adds comments after some of his diary entries along with other guests who he asked to give honest opinions about things in the book. Slash and Nikki were drug buddies and Tommy Lee and Nikki were known as the Toxin Twins. This could only lead to some very explosive incidents. Nikki's journal is very powerful and frightening. This opened up the world inside of a rockstar and really makes you understand what can happen if youre not careful. This book was an eye-opener for me.
Date published: 2010-07-09
Rated 4 out of 5 by from The most intense book I've ever read This book is absolutely unreal. After all he went through, Sixx is still able to make music and kick his habit and essentially live a good life that he has always deserved...its just an absolute miracle. It makes me appreciate him so much more after what he has been through, and as a fan of Motely, makes me so proud that he was able to get through it after some of his darkest hours ever recorded. Beware, it can be frightening at times, but its so deep and intense that you won't be able to stop. I think I finished it in about 48hrs.
Date published: 2010-02-12
Rated 5 out of 5 by from The Heroin Dairies This book was amazing. It was funny, scary, intense, but most of all mind blowing. I was so shocked by this book. But i just loved it. The art work is so amazing too!
Date published: 2009-07-31
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Life changing I've been meaning to read this book since it came out and my friend got a copy so I read her's. I don't listen to Motley Crue, I only know one song by Sixx Am, and I couldn't care less who Kat Von D dates. I just wanted to read this for the self destruction. It does not dissapoint. From the first entry (where Nikki is sitting naked under his Christmas tree with a shot gun) you can't put it down. I read it during all my classes, as I was babysitting, I didn't sleep until it was done. After a while you become dissensitized to it but then you take a step back and look at it and see how truly horrifying it really is. It's been said before, but I'll say it again-it's a miracle this man is still alive. The pictures and design really add to the book and help make it seem even more real. I gotta admire Nikka for a) having the guts to revisit his past, let alone publish it and b)beating all this stuff. Whether you're a fan of his music or not, everyone needs to read this book. I guarantee you will never look at addiction the same way again. Hands down the best autobiography I have ever read.
Date published: 2009-01-18
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Merry Christmas, that's what people say at Christmas, right? That is the beginning line, in one of the most disturbing, empowering, heartbreaking, and inspiring autobiographies I have ever read. Nikki Sixx has shared with us his diary of the year 1987, with comments added by Sixx himself as well as others who were close to him at the time. Kudos to Sixx for opening himself up, his journal is powerful, and frightening. It gives what I feel is one of the truest insights to what Rock and Roll life is really like. I couldn't put it down: do yourself a favour and go get it right now.
Date published: 2008-12-14
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Moving I bought this book and finished it in 24 hours. If you're someone that's looking for a great book by a deep author, you wont go wrong. It's heavy, but it's most definetly moving, regardless of if you can relate to him, or if you're just seaking an inspirationnal story. I imagine this book is extremely under-rated. It's very unexpected coming from a rockstar. I was captivated by his story.
Date published: 2008-10-23

Extra Content

Read from the Book

Van Nuys, 7:30 p.m. Merry Christmas. Well, that's what people say at Christmas, right? Except normally they have somebody to say it to. They have their friends and family all around them. They haven't been crouched naked under a Christmas tree with a needle in their arm like an insane person in a mansion in Van Nuys. They're not out of their minds and writing in a diary and they're not watching their holiday spirit coagulating in a spoon. I didn't speak to a single person today...I thought of calling Bob Timmons, but why should I ruin his Christmas? I guess I've decided to start another diary this time for a few different reasons... 1. I have no friends left. 2. So I can read back and remember what I did the day before. 3. So if I die, at least I leave a paper trail of my life (nice lil suicide note). Merry's just you and me, diary. Welcome to my life. BOB TIMMONS: By Christmas 1986, Nikki had been addicted to heroin and cocaine for at least a year, possibly longer. As a drug counselor, I first met Nikki when MÖtley CrÜe's manager, Doc McGhee, called me in to work with the band's singer, Vince Neil. Nikki was initially very hostile to me; he tried to get me barred from going backstage or being around them. Nikki and I slowly formed a relationship, and early in 1986 he asked me for help with his own addictions. I advised him to go into a rehab center but he refused and said he didn't need to. He was very stubborn on that issue. Over the years I have worked with platinum-selling artists from the Rolling Stones to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and all points in between, and let me make one thing clear from the start-MÖtley CrÜe, more than anybody, wrote the book for decadence and partying. In that area they were the most extreme people I ever met, and Nikki was the most extreme of all. For many years, Nikki had one motto: I'm going to do exactly what I want to do, and fuck everybody else. Van Nuys, 2:10 a.m. Jason came over again today. I was there is a Santa Claus, after all. He came mooching in, with his greasy James Dean hair and his junkie eyes that are sunk so deep in his elongated face that he looks like he's wearing makeup, and he stood by the tree and asked me how my Christmas had been. Like he he doesn't know already that it was exactly the same as his. Sometimes Jason pisses me off when he tries to make small talk. He asked me how much gear I wanted, and I asked, how much have you got? And he gave me this contemptuous, sneering look and said, that must be nice... His Betty Page-wannabe Goth girlfriend Anastasia isn't much better. Oh, she's nice enuff, but I know on the inside I'm just her meal ticket to an easier, softer life. I know she tells Jason to jump when I call because she, more than he, wants the money. Not just for the junk, they make enuff off me to maintain their cheap little habits, but she likes to decorate their little one-room rat's nest with the extra money they have left over. That's the real reason she demands he comes at my beck and call...she likes that extra cash for thrift shops and secondhand stores. I see her as a sorta Suzie Homemaker from Hell, but it's all just a fantasy-she's stuck with a habit too... NIKKI: My dealer Jason and I had a real love-hate relationship. I loved him because I could pick up the phone and he'd be over in twenty minutes with everything I needed. I hated him because it was killing me. He loved me because I gave him hundreds (sometimes thousands) of dollars on a daily basis. He hated me because I was a spoiled millionaire rock star who could have anything I wanted whenever I wanted it, and usually did. I used to ride a Honda Shadow motorcycle around the Valleys with my shirt off, totally out of my mind. One time Jason started talking about Harleys and how much he loved them. Tommy had one, so the next day I just went out and bought one and rode it to Jason's house to score. He was furious: it was his dream bike, he'd shown me a picture of it and I'd bought it. He thought I was such a spoiled brat. Jason was as fucked on heroin as me. He was a tall, skinny guy who in another life could have been a model, or something, but he really just came off looking like a corpse. That was the real reason he hated me: we were both living for drugs, but I could afford as many as I wanted. Van Nuys, 4:15 a.m. The best part of freebase is before the first hit. I love that moment, right before I put the glass pipe to my lips...that moment when everything is sane, and the craving, the salivating, the excitement all feel fresh and innocent. It's like foreplay...the ache that's always better than the orgasm. Yet as soon as I hit the pipe, within 30 seconds all hell breaks lose in my brain...and I keep on doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it, and I can't stop. Every day that I sit here and write, it's always the same. So-why? Why do I do this? I hate it...I hate it so much, but I love it even more. The worst part of freebase is running out. But I have a new jones-speedballs of any kind. The junk just isn't enough anymore...I feel like I'm only halfway there... TOMMY LEE: Back around Girls Girls Girls, we were starting to make shitloads of money. With money came success, power, overindulgence and experimentation. Sixx and I, in particular, took a lot of narcotics, and he would always want to push things: "Hey, how about taking these two drugs together? How about heroin and cocaine at the same time?" That period led us to this really dark fucking place. We all went to that place at various times-but Nikki seemed to like it there more than any of us. Van Nuys, 9:40 p.m. After I binged last night-or was it tonight-I was convinced yet again that there were people coming to get me. It was more than just shadows and voices, more than just was real, and I was scared to my core. My bones were heart was pounding...I thought I was going to explode. I'm glad I have you to talk to, to write this down...I tried to keep it all together, but then I gave in to the madness and became one with my insanity... I always end up in the closet in my bedroom. Let me tell you about that place, my closet. It's more than a closet-it's a haven for me. It's where I keep my dope and where I keep my gun. I know when I'm in there I'm safe, at least until I get too high. I can't be out in the house-there are too many windows and I know I'm being watched. Right now it seems impossible that cops are peering in from the trees outside or people are looking at me thru the peeohole at the front door. But when the drugs kick in I can't control my mind... Today, last night feels like a lifetime ago. But the sick thing is I could do it again tonight. NIKKI: This was the crazy routine I had at the time. I would start out freebasing or mainlining anywhere in the house: the front room, the kitchen, the bathroom. But as soon as the coke-induced psychosis kicked in, as soon as the insanity began, I would make a beeline for my bedroom closet. That was my refuge. I would huddle in there, surrounded by my drug paraphernalia and guns, convinced that people were in the house trying to get me, or a SWAT team was outside preparing to bust me. I would be too scared to move until I came down. The only way to bring myself down quicker was heroin. Heroin would make the madness go away: it was the easy solution. It seemed to make sense at the time. Van Nuys, 4:30 p.m. I've been thinking about last Christmas Eve when I picked up that girl in a strip club, brought her back here on my bike, took her home the next day, then had Christmas dinner all by myself in McDonald's. I haven't made much progress I see. Today I'm listening to Exile on Main Street, reading, laying around...tanning in the backyard, I feel like my old self. Sometimes I feel like I have two personalities. One is Nikki and one is...Sikki. ROSS HALFIN: As a photographer I've shot MÖtley CrÜe many times over the years for magazines and got particularly close to Nikki. I remember the first time I ever met him in LA we got on pretty well and decided to go for a drink that night. We sat talking in a booth. Vince Neil was in another booth with a girl, arguing, and Vince suddenly stood up and punched her in the face. I asked Nikki, "Should we sort it out?" And Nikki just laughed and said, "Let them sort it out themselves." Copyright 2007 © Nikki Sixx