The Quotable Film Critic - 2000 Bad Movie Reviews by Colin M JarmanThe Quotable Film Critic - 2000 Bad Movie Reviews by Colin M Jarman

The Quotable Film Critic - 2000 Bad Movie Reviews

EditorColin M Jarman

Paperback | November 17, 2010

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The Quotable Film Critic
The Best 'Worst' Movie' Reviews of the 21st Century - Volume One: 2000 - 2010
A comical yet cut-throat collection of cinematic criticism covering actors, directors, producers, screenwriters and films ... Hollywood blockbusters, action, rom-coms, horror, chick flicks, musicals, children's, film noir, independent, art-house and animation.
Over 2000 cutting quotations cover Actors (from Jessica Alba to Renee Zellweger), Directors & Producers (from Woody Allen to David Zucker) and over 550 film titles (from Avatar to Zoolander).
FUTURE VOLUMES of The Quotable Film Critic
Vol 2: 1980 to 1999
Vol 3: 1960 to 1979
Vol 4: Pre-1960

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Title:The Quotable Film Critic - 2000 Bad Movie ReviewsFormat:PaperbackDimensions:200 pages, 6.69 × 9.61 × 0.43 inPublished:November 17, 2010Publisher:Blue Eyed BooksLanguage:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:1907338012

ISBN - 13:9781907338014

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A to Z of Bad Movie Reviews from The Quotable Film Critic - Vol One: 2000-2010Jennifer ANISTON Along Came Polly (2004) - "Basically, a big-screen version of Dharma & Greg, but starring Jennifer Aniston - yes, it is that sickly." Hadley Freeman in The GuardianEd BURNS A Sound of Thunder (2005) - "Edward Burns is the kind of actor you cast as the hero when a piece of wood is unavailable." Jason Anderson in The Toronto Globe and MailCLOVERFIELD (2008) "Combines unpleasantness and stupidity to a degree that would be difficult to match unless you were stuck in bed with a case of the shingles while being forced to watch The Ghost Whisperer." Kyle Smith in The New York Post Robert DE NIRO Analyze That (2002) - "If De Niro wants to spend the twilight of his career as the McDonald’s of master thespians, we can’t stop him." J.R. Perry in The Tyler Morning TelegraphERAGON (2006) "Like a super-condensed version of Lord of the Rings as made for the Disney Channel. The baffling story sometimes makes you think the Comedy Channel might have lent a hand as well." Steve Rhodes on InternetReviews.com Colin FIRTH Dorian Gray (2009) - "Firth - all dodgy 'tache and frantic eyebrows - has got the sexual allure of a man who runs a swingers' club in Surbiton." Robbie Collin in The News of the WorldThe GOLDEN Compass (2007) "It is as packed with incident and excitement as a trip to Marks and Spencer’s sock department." Olly Richards in Empire magazine HARRY Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) "If my moviegoing experience was magical in any way, it was only in that I once or twice nodded off for a spell." Rick Kisonak on FilmThreat.com IRON Man (2008) "Though he's been given A-list treatment ... Iron Man can't escape being a little - dare I say it? - tinny." Frank Swietek on OneGuysOpinion.comSamuel L. JACKSON Twisted (2004) - "Jackson doesn’t bother to read the scripts anymore. He just checks to make sure he has one loud scene where he gets to shout, then cashes the paycheck." Dawn Taylor in The Portland TribuneNicole KIDMAN Birthday Girl (2001) - "Nicole ‘does’ sexy with all the erotic charge with which one ‘does’ the washing up. I’d rather gargle battery acid than have to watch Birthday Girl again." Sukhdev Sandhu in The Daily TelegraphLOVE Actually (2003) "There's so much plot being thrown at us in Love Actually that there's little room for genuine emotion; the film is as superficial as a Jay Leno monologue." Robert W. Butler in The Kansas City Star MAMMA MIA! (2008) "The film is indeed absolute cack: appallingly written, witlessly directed and sung as if by mice being tortured. It makes Teletubbies look like The Iliad in comparison." Stephen Pollard in The SpectatorNick NOLTE The Good Thief (2002) - "Of the actors working today, only Nolte looks as though he died five years ago and nobody bothered to tell him, and he runs (or staggers) with the tatty grace of the walking dead." Marc Savlov in The Austin ChronicleOCEAN’S Eleven (2001) "Ocean’s Eleven is The Italian Job without the cars, The Lavender Hill Mob without the Eiffel Tower, The Thomas Crown Affair without either the chess or the mid-life sex." Matthew Bond in The Mail on Sunday (2002)PIRATES of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) "If I have to watch one more pirate shriek in horror at a giant yet imaginary tentacle waving in his face, I'll drive a fork into my wooden leg." Donald Munro in The Fresno Bee Dennis QUAID Flight Of The Phoenix (2004) - "His acting is limited to turning the corners of his mouth down, like someone tasting tea made with urine." Ben Davis in The Morning StarJulia ROBERTS Mona Lisa Smile (2003) - "Roberts so overwhelms the movie with so much wisenheimer Brockovich attitude that you want to haul her before the Academic Senate and censure her for anachronism." Carrie Rickey in The Philadelphia Inquirer Sylvester STALLONE Get Carter (2000) - "Stallone is so artificial, tanned and leathery you could replace his mouth with a zipper and sell him as a pocketbook." Desson Howe in The Washington Post TRANSFORMERS (2007) "It’s Wrestlemania meets Scrap Heap Challenge. And my goodness it’s boring." Wendy Ide in The Times ULTRAVIOLET (2006) "Ultrastupid, ultra-incoherent, ultrasilly - and way, way ultraboring." Lou Lumenick in The New York PostNoa VARDALOS Connie and Carla (2004) - "The phrase ‘written by Nia Vardalos’ should send any self-respecting moviegoer screaming into the night, pursued by the comedienne’s frizzy-haired brand of hysteria … One suspects Vardalos's movies aren't written as much as up-chucked, the result of all-night binges on SnackWells and Oxygen network reruns." David Ng in The Village Voice Mark WAHLBERG The Truth About Charlie (2003) - "Wahlberg, playing the Cary Grant role, displays the cosmopolitan charm of a wombat." Edward Porter in The Sunday Times X-MEN 3: The Last Stand (2006) "Watching the actors is like watching Elton John try to make out with Anne Heche. They go through the motions in a totally disingenuous display, except Wolverine doesn't break out into an impromptu Rocket Man to ease the awkwardness." Mike Ward on Richmond.com YOU Got Served (2004) "A street-dance film that’s lively and silly and about as ‘street’ as a Britney Spears’ video." Carla Meyer in The San Francisco Chronicle Renee ZELLWEGER Cold Mountain (2003) - "Zellweger does a job of overacting that might have gotten rejected by The Beverly Hillbillies." David Sterritt in The Christian Science Monitor