Watch Me Disappear: A Novel by Janelle BrownWatch Me Disappear: A Novel by Janelle Brown

Watch Me Disappear: A Novel

byJanelle Brown

Hardcover | July 11, 2017

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The disappearance of a beautiful, charismatic mother leaves her family to piece together her secrets in this propulsive novel for fans of Big Little Lies—from the bestselling author of All We Ever Wanted Was Everything.

Watch Me Disappear is just as riveting as Gone Girl.”—San Francisco Chronicle

Who you want people to be makes you blind to who they really are.

It’s been a year since Billie Flanagan—a Berkeley mom with an enviable life—went on a solo hike in Desolation Wilderness and vanished from the trail. Her body was never found, just a shattered cellphone and a solitary hiking boot. Her husband and teenage daughter have been coping with Billie’s death the best they can: Jonathan drinks as he works on a loving memoir about his marriage; Olive grows remote, from both her father and her friends at the all-girls school she attends.

But then Olive starts having strange visions of her mother, still alive. Jonathan worries about Olive’s emotional stability, until he starts unearthing secrets from Billie’s past that bring into question everything he thought he understood about his wife. Who was the woman he knew as Billie Flanagan?

Together, Olive and Jonathan embark on a quest for the truth—about Billie, but also about themselves, learning, in the process, about all the ways that love can distort what we choose to see. Janelle Brown’s insights into the dynamics of intimate relationships will make you question the stories you tell yourself about the people you love, while her nervy storytelling will keep you guessing until the very last page.

Praise for Watch Me Disappear

Watch Me Disappear is a surprising and compelling read. Like the best novels, it takes the reader somewhere she wouldn’t otherwise allow herself to go. . . . It’s strongest in the places that matter most: in the believability of its characters and the irresistibility of its plot.”Chicago Tribune

“Janelle Brown’s third family drama delivers an incisive and emotional view of how grief and recovery from loss can seep into each aspect of a person’s life. . . . Brown imbues realism in each character, whose complicated emotions fuel the suspenseful story.”Associated Press

“When a Berkeley mother vanishes and is declared dead, her daughter is convinced she’s alive in Janelle Brown’s thriller, calling to mind Big Little Lies and Gone Girl.”Variety
Janelle Brown is the New York Times bestselling author of All We Ever Wanted Was Everything and This Is Where We Live. An essayist and a journalist, she has written for Vogue, The New York Times, Elle, Wired, Self, the Los Angeles Times, Salon, and numerous other publications. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and their two chi...
Title:Watch Me Disappear: A NovelFormat:HardcoverDimensions:368 pages, 9.5 × 6.3 × 1.3 inPublished:July 11, 2017Publisher:Random House Publishing GroupLanguage:English

The following ISBNs are associated with this title:

ISBN - 10:0812989465

ISBN - 13:9780812989465


Rated 5 out of 5 by from Great book! one of those books you can finish quick - cause you can't put it down!
Date published: 2017-11-22
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Watch Me Disappear: Navigating Between Love and Independence Watch Me Disappear by Janelle Brown is an engrossing novel driven by its characters’ neuroses and its surprising, multi-layered plot, which not only dominate the story, but seduce its readers to delve into the book full force with intrigue and expectation. The characters of the book are richly well-written, endorsing a realism and empathy that seems effortless on behalf of the author as seen not only through the dialogue in the novel, but through the honest feelings and thoughts of her characters, who are easily relatable. Jonathan Flanagan, a dedicated husband and father takes his role seriously as provider for his family. But, the disappearance of his wife, Billie, after a hiking trip over a weekend, reels him into a year-long period in which grief not only alienates him from his teenage daughter, Olive, of whom he is now solely responsible for, but also into a state where his fatherhood, as well as his marriage are put into question. Olive, in turn, is not only burdened with the awkwardness of being a teenager in high school, but being the teenager known for the one whose mother has gone missing. Not only does she suffer the loss of a mother of whom she was close, but suffers for what is believed to be hallucinations of her—alive, somewhere—but, where? As the anniversary of the loss of Billie nears, and the process of her death certificate comes into its final stages, both husband and daughter go on separate journeys in their investigation of what happened to Billie, uncovering instead the complication of a woman they thought they knew and the histories of her past that resurface in the wake of her absence. The book is rich in how it portrays the truth of its characters from Jonathan’s feelings of insecurity and sexual monotony in a loving, but long, loyal marriage; to Olive’s idolatry of her mother’s memory and her subliminal wish to emanate her independence and thrill-seeking personality; to Harmony’s nurturing kindness and natural rivalry with her best friend as proxy partner and hope-to-be wife to a grieving family. The dialogue is real enough to convince readers of the characters’ relatability to empathize with them—or hate them—in lieu of their failings. And the narrative is readable, moving the book along at a comfortable pace that doesn’t make the book feel heavy, boring, or long. And once readers believe they realize the possible outcomes of the plot, the plot is intelligent and coy enough to change into a different direction. Watch Me Disappear is a compelling story of navigating between love and loss, selflessness and independence, the fluidity of personality—and that narrative can easily shape an identity as much as it can reveal it—or keep it hidden. Which begs the question: Can anyone really ever know anyone else? Characters: 4 stars Plot: 4.5 stars Language/Narrative: 3.5 stars Dialogue: 4 stars Pacing: 4.5 stars Cover Design: 4 stars
Date published: 2017-09-01
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Great read I read the advanced readers copy edition. As I was reading this book, I got more and more into it, wanting to find out what had happened with the mother.
Date published: 2017-07-23
Rated 4 out of 5 by from Could not put down! I received this book in a giveaway from Goodreads. I was hooked on this book as soon as I started reading it, such a captivating novel front to back. Definitely enjoyed the characters and the story line, nothing to me seemed too over-worked or try hard. One of my top reads of the year.
Date published: 2017-07-12
Rated 5 out of 5 by from Amazing I was spellbound from the beginning. I recommend this novel
Date published: 2017-03-27

Read from the Book

1 Olive is crossing from the Sunshine Wing to the Redwood Wing, on her way to her third-period English class, when her dead mother appears for the first time. Weaving through the eddies of girls, twenty-six pounds of textbooks tugging at her shoulder, the blue skirt of her uniform clinging stubbornly to her thighs, Olive suddenly feels as if she might faint. She assumes at first that she is just overheating. Claremont Prep is housed in a rambling nineteenth-century Craftsman mansion that has been neglected in the name of “authenticity”--the knobs to the classrooms are all original cut crystal and spin uselessly when you turn them, and the windows don’t actually open because they’ve been lacquered over too many times, and Olive often has to take cold showers after badminton practice because the boiler can’t keep up with the demand of twelve girls simultaneously shaving their legs--and on rainy days, like this one, the overworked furnace fills the hallways with a moist fug of girl-scented heat.   Olive stops and presses her hand against the cool glass of a display case to stabilize herself. She digs in her backpack for a bottle of water and closes her eyes. She feels as if she is standing at the center of a turntable, the hallway whipping around her in dizzying circles. She catches an acrid whiff, as if something is burning.   When she opens her eyes again, she is somewhere else entirely. Or, rather, she is still in the main hall of Claremont Prep--she senses the thrum of bodies swinging past, the drumming of the rain against the stained-glass clerestory windows--but somehow she is also somewhere else entirely. A beach, to be exact.   The beach isn’t really there, of course it’s not, and yet . . . there it is: the overcast sky, the pebbly sand, the dunes lashed with sea grass, waves that are dark and hungry. She can almost feel her Converse sneakers shifting in the sand, the salty air sticking to her skin. This alternate world seems to exist as an overlay draped across her surroundings: Through the waves Olive is dimly aware of two other junior girls--Ming and Tracy--hanging up posters for the Fall Frolic; and just behind the ragged dunes is a line of lockers; and somewhere inside that thrashing surf is the double-doored entrance of the Redwood Wing. It is as if the two worlds exist simultaneously, each overlapping the other, a kind of waking dream.   She blinks. It doesn’t go away.   The time they gave her nitrous at the dentist’s office: That’s how she feels now, her brain opaque, diffuse, as if someone has reset its dial at half speed. Time seems to have stopped, or at least slowed. She senses her body tipping backward, the backpack full of books losing the battle against gravity. The third-period bell is ringing somewhere faintly in the distance.   That’s when she sees her mother.   Billie stands a few yards away, right where the sea meets the sand, the water slapping at her bare toes. It is as if she’s been standing there the whole time and Olive has only just grown aware of her.   Her mother’s hair is long and loose, the brown giving way to silver at the part. It flies in a wild halo around her face. She is wearing a gauzy white dress that whips around her bare legs as the wind blows off the sea, its hem dark with ocean spray. Her mom was never a wearer of dresses (she tended toward performance fleece), so this strikes Olive as slightly weird (as if nothing else happening here is weird?), but still. It’s her. Mom. Olive feels the word swell up inside her, painfully filling her lungs until it stops her breath entirely.   “Olive!”   Despite her diaphanous appearance, Billie’s voice isn’t at all spectral; it’s strong and clear, as if right inside Olive’s brain, and loud enough to drown out the frothy shrieks of the girls down the hall. Olive opens her own mouth and gasps out the only word that she can muster: “Mom?”   “Olive,” Billie says, her voice lower now, almost chiding. “I miss you. Why aren’t you looking?”   “Looking for what?” She’s hallucinating, isn’t she? She isn’t really talking to her dead mom. She closes her eyes and opens them again.   Her mom is still there, looking amused. She smiles, revealing deep grooves in her sun-etched face, and she outstretches her hand as if to take Olive’s own. “Olive,” she says with a note of disappointment in her voice. “You aren’t trying hard enough.”   There’s a burning sensation in Olive’s chest that’s making it hard to breathe. “I’m trying as hard as I can, Mom,” Olive whispers, tears welling up in her eyes, but the weird thing is that she doesn’t feel sad, not at all. She feels almost . . . transcendent, as if she’s thisclose to getting the answer to some vital question that will make everything clear.   And then it comes to her, the answer she’s waiting for. It floods her with a giddy rush: Mom isn’t dead.   Olive lurches forward with the force of this epiphany. Where did it come from? She takes a step toward her mother, and then another as her mother’s figure starts to fade and recede before her; and then she starts to run, although it feels like she is running through wet cement. She feels the backpack slip off her shoulder and slam to the floor behind her. She understands that she needs to grab her mother’s outstretched hand, and that if she can somehow seize it, she will be able to drag her mother through that translucent overlay and back to her, back into Olive’s world, back to . . .   Wham. She runs straight into the wall.   Olive is momentarily blinded with pain--a goose egg will later rise on the spot where forehead connected with plaster--and when she can finally see again, her mother is gone.   The world comes collapsing back in around her: the rank locker smell of dirty gym clothes and spoiling bananas, the squeak of rubber soles on waxed oak, and the thrilled faces of the three gaping freshmen who have gathered around her, so close that she can feel the heat of their gummy breath.   “OhmyGodareyouOK,” says one freshman, an unfortunately pimpled blonde whom Olive has never spoken with before (Holly? Haley?). She leans in as if to touch the lump on Olive’s forehead, and Olive flinches.   “I’m fine, thanks for the concern, really, but it’s no big deal,” Olive says, smiling apologetically as she backs away. She clocks her backpack on the ground a few feet away and sidles toward it. Ming and Tracy, still on ladders at the end of the hall, have stopped what they are doing and are watching with overt fascination the tableau playing out before them. She waves at them. Tracy waves back with a silly little finger-wiggle, but Ming just stares at Olive, her brow puckering behind the severe curtain of her black bangs.   Meanwhile the three freshmen are following closely behind Olive, not ready to give up rubbernecking quite yet. “You just ran straight into the wall,” Haley/Holly says accusatorily. “It was kind of crazytown.”   Olive reaches down and grabs her backpack. Its weight in her hand grounds her, and she swings it over her shoulder, then tugs her skirt straight. The presence of the girls makes it hard to hang on to the answer that she just had in her grasp, and she desperately wants to escape so she can think all this over, figure it out. “Honestly, it’s nothing,” she says. The girls continue to peck around her, unsatisfied. Oh, please let me be alone, she thinks. “Just,” and her voice drops as if letting them in on a secret, “I’m a little hungover. You know?”   “Ohhhhh,” the girls say in low knowing voices that fail to conceal their utter unknowingness. Not that Olive knows much, either--she’s been hungover exactly once in her life, after a sleepover at Natalie’s house during which she polished off half of a leftover bottle of Christmas crème de menthe. But one thing she’s learned during her five-year career at Claremont Prep is that underclass girls believe there are secrets to a better life that will someday be unlocked, like the upper levels of a videogame, once they are able to drive a car or procure alcohol or get their braces off. She wishes she could tell these girls that things get easier, but in her experience they don’t. Not really. (With the possible exception of being able to drive yourself: That is pretty great.) You just discover that there are even bigger, more complicated problems that you have to solve.   In any case, with this small untruth, Olive is at last able to untangle herself. She continues to walk in the direction of the Redwood Wing, aware that the girls are whispering behind her. (She hears just a snippet: You know, the girl with the dead mom . . . ) And then, as the warning bell rings, she turns abruptly and exits to the courtyard.   The October air is sharp and wet against her face. She stands under the eaves, the rain splattering the rubber shells of her Converses, and tries to focus. Mom isn’t dead. She allows herself this thought again, gingerly, as if she’s metering out a particularly tasty piece of chocolate cake. The storm rushes through the oak trees, sending a shiver across them, and Olive realizes that she’s trembling.      

Bookclub Guide

1. Is it natural for a mother to want to leave her family sometimes, even if most don’t act on it? How would the story be different if Jonathan had been the one to disappear?2. How do you think the author meant to portray Jonathan? Did his relationship with Harmony change the way you saw him?3. Do you believe there was genuine love in Billie and Jonathan’s marriage? To what extent is some degree of secrecy a normal, even necessary, part of a marriage?4. Olive felt that she was receiving psychic messages from her missing mother. Do you think this really was something paranormal? Part of a mother-daughter bond? A neurological condition? Have you ever felt some kind of unexplained communication with a parent or child or someone you love? If so, did you experience it on your own—as a dream or an experience of heightened intuition—or with the help of a psychic medium, like the Sharon Parkins character in the novel?5. How does Olive’s growing self-awareness and the revelation that comes with it fit into the novel’s larger theme of searching for one’s true identity? Discuss the ways other characters have sought to discover—or change—their personas.6. Throughout the novel, you get to see Billie through different perspectives—from her daughter, her husband, her friends, and more. After finishing the novel, do you feel like you know who Billie really is, or do you still find her to be a mystery?7. Is Billie a classic femme fatale? Why or why not? Is she a feminist character?8. As you read, there are clues that suggest different possible endings for Billie. Were you surprised by the ending? If you were, how did you think it would end and why?9. How do you get to know someone who lies to themself? Can you ever really know a person?

Editorial Reviews

“Watch Me Disappear is a surprising and compelling read. Like the best novels, it takes the reader somewhere she wouldn’t otherwise allow herself to go. . . . It’s strongest in the places that matter most: in the believability of its characters and the irresistibility of its plot.”—Chicago Tribune   “Janelle Brown’s third family drama delivers an incisive and emotional view of how grief and recovery from loss can seep into each aspect of a person’s life. . . . Brown imbues realism in each character, whose complicated emotions fuel the suspenseful story.”—Associated Press “Compulsively readable.”—Los Angeles Review of Books“When a Berkeley mother vanishes and is declared dead, her daughter is convinced she’s alive in Janelle Brown’s thriller, calling to mind Big Little Lies and Gone Girl.”—Variety“A twisty, involving mystery.”—People   “Watch Me Disappear is just as riveting as Gone Girl. . . . The characters are arresting, the Berkeley setting delightfully authentic, and, best of all, the propulsive investigation may make you want to go into hiding just to finish the book now.”—San Francisco Chronicle“Clever and compelling, this ricocheting tale reveals that, even in the closest families, how little we know of the ones we love, and how our own secrets are often the hardest to bear, can cost us dearly in the end.”—Lisa Gardner, author of Right Behind You “Tantalizing and twisty, Watch Me Disappear is both a spider’s web of a novel and a moving exploration of the deeper mysteries of marriage and family. You won’t be able to put it down, but you won’t forget it either.”—Megan Abbott, author of You Will Know Me “A riveting, seductive read about the secret, protected places within even the most intimate relationships . . . Janelle Brown has written a novel that provokes thought as her story twists and turns. I loved it.”—Sara Gruen, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Water for Elephants “Watch Me Disappear is at once a riveting page-turner and a thoughtful meditation on what it means to know other people—and ourselves. Be careful: Once you start Janelle Brown’s expertly crafted and wonderfully mysterious novel, you won’t be able to stop.”—Edan Lepucki, New York Times bestselling author of California “I devoured Watch Me Disappear in one sitting. Brown deftly peels away the layers of a loving marriage to reveal a haunting mystery and a devastating truth: that no matter how much you love someone, you can never truly know them.”—Laura McHugh, author of The Weight of Blood